Should You Be Settling for Texting?

texting and datingI have spoken to a few people recently who have been happily dating someone exclusively for a few months or longer and who appeared to really, really like each other. Many of them reported that even though they don’t live together and don’t see each other every day, they never talk on the phone, but only text and e-mail each other. To my surprise, all of them said that they have no problem with this since they are too busy to talk on the phone, and they don’t like talking on the phone all that much anyway, generally considering it to be a waste of time.

However, I really believe that they are missing out and actually downgrade the quality of their communication and their relationship. Hearing your partner’s voice is a very important part of any relationship. Like blind people, whose hearing and sense of touch are intensified due to inability to use their sight, there is something special about being able to hear another person’s voice without seeing them or being able to touch them. Among other things, talking on the phone gives you an idea whether you really enjoy listening to each other and talking to each other, without eating or drinking together, or having sex, or watching a movie, or doing anything else together. In a way, talking on the phone is the purest form of intellectual interaction, since it is not interrupted  or “diluted” by any visual / sexual stimulation at the same time.

I do not suggest that you should call each other every single day or hang on the phone for hours despite your busy work/school schedule and other obligations, but if you don’t like talking to each other on the phone, it’s a fairly reliable indicator that you don’t really like each other and you are certainly not in love with each other. Otherwise, you would be looking forward to hearing each other’s voice and laughter, among other things, and texting alone wouldn’t have cut it, especially if you don’t see each other that often.

Therefore, when someone you met and started seeing avoids talking to you on the phone and only texts you, including returning your phone calls with text messages, it’s a sign that he is not that serious about you and is not that interested in getting to know you on a deeper level.

So, what do you do if someone you recently met and started seeing never calls you and only texts you? If it’s not yet clear to you what he wants from you, it’s a good idea to send a message to him that you won’t settle for texting. So, the next time he texts, tell him/her playfully: “you know, I wouldn’t be offended if you actually dialed and called me” or something along those lines. If that doesn’t help, you can be a little more direct: “If you want to talk to me, call me.”

I am as big of a fan of the convenience that texting offers as anyone else. It’s when texting fully and completely replaced talking on the phone that I have a problem with and suggest that you avoid, if you are trying to develop a meaningful connection and a relationship with someone you recently met or started dating. Setting a higher communication early on will also send a clear message to your (potential) dating partner, that you give and expect more than the rest, and that’s a good thing.

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About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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