Suppose you want to approach and meet a woman or perhaps you would like to ask out a woman who you already know. What frame of mind should you have in order to make a move with the right energy, confidence, and the right attitude and eliminate that debilitating fear or anxiety that most of us guys have in these types of situations?
The answer to this questions is rather simple but very important to keep in mind when it’s time for you take action and make a move: you must feel and truly believe that you are giving her a compliment when you approach her and start a conversation with her.
It should not be very hard for you to train yourself to believe this because it is actually true – you are complimenting a woman by your attention. Approaching a woman is indeed one of the biggest compliment. When you try to strike up a conversation with meet a woman or when you are asking her out, you are basically saying: “I find you attractive and/or interesting. I would like to spend more time with you and get to know you better.” – Those are very nice things to tell a woman, and a woman who is worthy of your attention should take it as a compliment regardless of whether she is interested in going out with you and getting to know you or not.
Many guys feel that they are doing something wrong when they are looking at a woman or when they are thinking about approaching her and starting a conversation with her. But the only reason they feel that is because they heard from a small number of confused, immature or overly feminist or frigid women that approaching and “hitting” on girls is almost like some kind of crime, when in fact there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, if you do it the right way – with both, the right amount of respect and confidence. Many women, even the ones who are not so attractive are hit on by guys all the time, but they are rarely, if ever, approached by normal guys the right way, so there is no way that those women are tired by being approached by guys who are neither drunk nor thuggish looking.
So, the next time you are about to make a move, feel good and be proud of what you are doing because what some might call a “pick-up” is actually a compliment, not to mention that fact that you are showing a respectable amount of guts when doing that.
Agreed, I can always choose between the following:
1) Betting my entire mortgage payment on rolling a seven, or walking away;
2) Give up my career to run for President in the 2016 election, or realize that that is just plain unlikely;
3) Bet all my poker chips that I can draw to an inside straight, or quit while I'm ahead; or
4) Believe there's that special someone out there and look for the needle in the 50,000 foot haystack, or cut my losses knowing that just isn't going to happen.
Or, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em: maybe I should go the criminal/thug route and become an international gun runner, join a street gang, start drinking, and smoke weed. Then the babes will be mine for the taking!!!
Your cynicism is hilarious and well taken, and if you decided to forever resign from dating and meeting women, it’s the right attitude to have. If not, and if you harbor hope and desire to meet that special someone and have a connection with them, or at least do what you can to maximize your chances of having one, then it doesn’t do much good to that process.
Thanks, Arkady.
Cynicism can be fun; glad you can see the humor.
The problem is, that once you’ve crossed paths with enough women who believe that no man is ever good enough for them, the collateral damage to one’s confidence over time adds up to the point where one becomes just too demoralized to care anymore. Admittedly, this is where I am
I don’t know that going to a different neighborhood, a different town, or even a different state really matters after being exposed to so much hostility.
Since my own personal confidence in approaching is long gone, I can only go by what I see. And what I’ve seen over the past twenty-plus years just isn’t pretty. Thus, I’m severely disinclined to navigate the man-hating minefield that is so pervasive today.
By the way, I’m a college professor who lives in New York.
I am sorry and I am honestly surprised to hear this. Perhaps I am naive, but I always thought that being a college professor is such a boost to one's confidence. First, public speaking is part of your job. Secondly, you must like your job or at least not dislike it. New York – unfortunately, women's attitude in big cities like that is a serious downside. Between high cost of living, stressful jobs and harsh weather at times, not only do they look unapproachable but downright miserable. Having lived in NYC for about one year a while ago, I noticed that things are a little better and more laid back outside Manhattan, and especally in Brooklyn. Sure, you will have a lot of "Jersey Shore" type people in some parts of Brooklyn but there are plenty of friendlier and more approachable people.
Online dating should also be a good option. New York must have endless supply of women on the online dating sites. If you can stand out as a more interesting guy on the online dating site, this will give you an edge. Online dating shouldn't be the only way to meet women, but it's one way, especially when other things really don't work out.
Also, there are places in New York where people and women clearly go in order to meet someone. I don't see "meat market" as a bad thing, especially if it has higher quality meat.
Arkady:
Let's not get it twisted. One has nothing to do with the other. I love my job and I enjoy what I do.
Being that gender relations are adversarial in this day and age, it wouldn't make a difference whether I were a college professor, garbage collector, attorney, or truck driver.
I love my job and job and I enjoy what I do.
Since gender relations are adversarial in this day and age, I really don’t think it would make a difference whether I were a college professor, garbage collector, attorney, cab driver, CPA or grave digger.
Regardless of what I do for a living, dating is an exercise in futility.
I can see why you would get frustrated, and god knows we all felt that way at one point or another. It’s important to remember that feeling that way about women and dating is not going to change the bottom line for you – i.e. thinking that dating is exercise in futility it’s not going to iprove your dating life. On the other hand, thinkin about what you can do to improve things and not believing that the situation is hopeless just because of your previous bad dating experience might just be more productive. Blaming everything around us is easier than lookin what we can do to change things, but it simply dosn’t help.
Sorry, I just cannot co-sign onto this. Admittedly, I’m a guy who once had confidence a long, long time ago.
But, after so many incidences of being mocked for sport, being made to pay for some other guy’s misdeeds, and being just plain devalued & demonized just for being a guy in this man hating culture, I’d love for someone to tell me why I should believe there’s still a light at the end of the tunnel.
One can’t shift to a higher gear if it isn’t there, can one???
@ Mickey
I am not sure what you look like, how you act and where you live, and god nows there is a fair share of women where I live that I am not a big fan of, among which Harvard / Yale / Cornell princesses that think they are God’s gift when they are anything but. But surely not all women are like that. Your job is to find the ones who won’t demonize you and who are not that jaded. Sometimes it takes as little as going out in different places or different areas, and sometimes it takes as much moving to another city. And sometimes, a higher gear might just be found within you. While finding that higher gear very much depends on your personal circumstances and situation, surely believing that all women are out there to demonize you will prevent you from getting into that gear.
Being respectful, being confident ….. and getting REJECTED by these wonderful people! Now hurry up and get out there and KEEP IT UP! HURRY!
Best advise I have ever heard. Thanks.