From the earliest years of our lives we exercise that great skill we are given as humans – our ability to learn by observation and imitation. This is how we learn how to walk and how to talk among many other things during our very early childhood. But even as adults,we should take advantage of this incredible ability – to observe others, to decide what we like and what we don’t like so much in other people and apply the attractive qualities to our own behavior while considering whether we have the qualities that we find unattractive in others, and then trying to eliminate them in ourselves.
The skill of learning by observation is particularly useful in the context of becoming a more attractive person and a more attractive dating partner. Watching others is also something that we all do anyway as part of our day-to-day life. We all enjoy people watching and talking to our friends about how we perceive others. This is one of the reasons we go out and socialize. I believe being “analytical” from time to time and asking yourself why some people look more attractive to you than others will also open your eyes at the things that make you special as well as the possible flaws that you haven’t notice in yourself till you saw in others.
We all make quick judgments about the people we see. Many times, after you notice someone for a moment, you may assume all kind of things about that complete stranger: Is he a loser? A winner? Shy? Snobbish? Insecure? Confident? Happy? Down? Excited? Depressed? Well dressed? Trying too hard? Sloppy and apathetic to how he looks? What about that woman – is she too conservative? Promiscuous? Bubbly? Easy going? Down to earth? Classy and elegant? Trashy?
However, we rarely ask yourself the “why” question – what is it specifically that makes us assume any of the above about a person? I suggest that you try doing this from time to time. If you meet someone who you don’t like for whatever reason, ask yourself what specific things that person does that make him/her unattractive. Does he/she talk too much? Do they brag and talk about how wonderful they are? Do they complain? Are they being too loud in a public place which you find to be borderline embarrassing? If you meet someone you find attractive and charismatic on any level (romantic or social), ask yourself the same question: what makes that person make you want to be around him more and enjoy his company? Is he/she interesting and eloquent? Good listener? Well dressed and seem to be put together on the outside and the inside?
Any time you identify a positive or a negative quality that you notice in someone else, be it the way he speaks or behaves or the way he is dressed or is carrying himself, ask yourself whether you possess the qualities you like to see in others, and whether you have some of the flaws that you see in others that you could work in eliminating. This exercise is fun and does not require you to do anything that you are not already doing – being out and people watching. As just one very simple example, when you see a couple of guys out like the ones in the picture below, it should be a reminder to you of what you should not look like if you want to be attractive to the quality members of the opposite sex.
You know, you are right. If we look at the person and we feel uncomfortable or ickybin some way, it just shows there is a part of us that we do not acknowledge. I get this because I sometimes feel this as well with someone. It makes me look within me what really is going on, and see that person as a reflection of maybe I am insecure and perhaps, who I want to be.
Your articles are turning into a minute of reflection. I like that.
🙂 Thank you. I appreciate your kind words and I like your observations as well. I think one important thing for women to remember is that just because the guy is looking at you like a piece of meat doesn’t mean that that’s the only thing he sees in you. It’s just the first thing, and it’s only natural.
I really hope what you say is true. But that guy was… scary.
Different strokes for different folks. I would probably not want to date a girl who would date guys like in the photo. Part of what attracts me to a woman is her taste. Flattery I would feel from her being into me would go right out the window if I also knew she dated or was into guys like that. Just another perspective.
The unspoken truth being that these douches actually have quite some success with women… 😀
For sure they would not attract me but certainly they will fit into their equal ones category. There is nothing wrong with the way they are dressed or they behavior – it’s a matter of preference and style. That’s why we are all unique, we’re God’s masterpiece despite of taste, fashion etc… The important thing is be ourselves and be happy the way we are – let’s not be critical of others.
I appreciate your valuable advise and will practice the exercise for sure…
Cheers!
regarding eye contact I had a question. Your saying the way they guys look. When you look at a girl should you look like you look at a guy? I mean your eyes should not look lustful and seductive rite? Just normal eye contact?
That's probably a good idea. Being looked at like you are a prey makes most people uncomfortable or even threatened. On the other hand, a friendly "harmless" look, at least in the beginning is a much better and "safer" way to go.
There was someone who looked at me like i am a prey. It is a guy. He was not hiding it. He wants me to know it.
It would be interesting to take a poll of how many women like to be checked out like the prey v how many really dread it. I supposed this would depend on all kinds of things, including whether the guy is attractive to them.
…and whether I am attracted to them.
There is no reason to take a poll!!!!!!!!!!!
it is very subjective. each class of girls (subcultures) has their own taste of what they like. I mean the guy in red also looks masculine, tough, not to be messed with, confident, outgoing, not insecure. sunglasses could mean he really doesn’t care what people think, a rebellious bad boy attitude. maybe a little tryhard and a bit too serious and putting on a tough guy attitude and not really a fun person. The shirt is good, I like it. I mean yea they’re not perfect but far from the worst. Better than wallflower guys.
Arkady, also I had a question. I know you recommended a movie to watch in one of your videos but I forgot the name. If you can post one about movies to emulate that would be great.
Of course it is very subjective. We all are attractive to different people. Women who are used to dealing with fraternity boys or women with low self esteem or women who don't know any better are more likely to be attracted to these kinds of guys. Also this type is the one that seems to often be more daring. They approach women more often and hence they do better.
However, the vast majority of women with healthy sense of self esteem and self respect would stay far away from this kind of "masculine" guys.
@practicalhappiness.com – well said 🙂 (both in the article and your comment)
Arkady,
I totally agree with you. The clothes were the last thing I noticed as well. I did not even notice the chain until you pointed it out. It is obvious to me that these guys have an attitude that is shown in their body language (which speaks more than words or clothing) that would make me want to run not walk away if I was looking for a healthy relationship….Which, by the way, Arkady, I think I have found. I have been dating (for a month and a half now) a great guy who treats me with respect and is pursuing me in healthy sweet ways and I just wanted to thank you for all of your wonderful advice.
Cathy
maybe women like those kinds of guys in the picture. Personally, I see them and dislike them, but maybe its because deep down I realize that women are into these kind of dopey guys, an I'm jeaous.
Ah, the douchers. How I despise them.. 95% of all the males at college are just like them and the VERy few quality women I have met agree and gave me their opinion that the doucher look and attitude is unattractive and even apalling to them. I completely agree with you Arkady!
🙂 That’s the more extreme way of putting what I had in mind, Taylor. 😉
Oh I see the chain now. But it was the last thing I noticed. The shirt stands out more. But it's just a photo. If two people are meant to meet, they WILL meet, when the time is right. This all happens in the upper worlds, about which we are oblivious most of the time here in the physical dimension. Such things go well beyond a mere photo.
haha.. always raggin on the douchebags..
you never change, do you? i have just identified a positive trait. =)
🙂 I can't help it.
What do you find wrong with tthe guys in the photo? Besides the red striped shirt; I would NEVER wear anything remotely like it, it looks awful. But the other gus is well dressed; although his eyebrows are a little too well-groomed. I'd love to know what your observations on that photo.
This is highly subjective of course, but the shirt is the last thing I noticed. it's the chain, the sunglasses at a club, the "v" sign, the pouting, the attempt to look tough and the "look" on their faces that will guarantee any woman with healthy sense of self esteem roll her eyes.