Premature Love Confessions – Too Good to be True?

premature-love-confessionsDuring a New Year’s party I attended last year, I met a guy who just started dating this girl who was friends with the host of that party. She was in her mid-thirties, attractive and funny. She just started dating him a few weeks earlier and was quite excited about going out with him. I too very much enjoyed talking to him, and he struck me as an interesting and funny guy. At the end of the conversation, I told him that I enjoyed meeting him, to which he responded: “Oh… I am pretty sure that I will see you here during the next year’s party”. I told him that I was really surprised to hear him say that, since he just met this girl a few week ago and it couldn’t possibly be clear how serious they were about each other. He assured me, however, that he was the kind of guy who knew what he wanted, and he was certain she was “the one”. I was naturally skeptical of that kind of premature confidence in their connection and the prospects of their dating, but I also admired his ability to be so sure of himself and what he had going with that girl. I ran into that girl a month later, and found out that they no longer saw each other, as he stopped returning her phone calls.

The above is an important reminder that premature love confessions often don’t mean much or don’t mean anything at all. If a guy tell you how he feels about you after a few dates, and  before he even got a chance to get to know you enough to be able to have an informed opinion of who you are, you should probably take his affections with a large grain of salt. If a guy tells you that he loves you a few weeks after you met, it should be somewhat alarming to you, because too often it only means one of the three things: (1) he is super lonely and desperate, and having found you, he is so eager to keep you, that he will say anything to have you around; or (2) his words don’t really mean much to him, and that’s why he uses them in such a careless manner. He doesn’t put too much thought or weight into the term “love”, and therefore, his premature love confessions don’t really back up any real feelings; or (3) he is just trying to get laid sooner than later, and he will do or say anything to get you to have sex with him. Of course, it’s possible that you are having a rare, fairy-tale type romance where the guy realized that you were the “one” a few moments after he met you, but this happens far more rarely than movies suggest, and there is no risk in taking time to actually see whether the man’s actions back up his big words, and not hurry with making any type big decisions or commitments because of a few, early touching compliments.

Many women out there are frustrated because the guy they have been seeing for a while wouldn’t tell then how he feels about them and won’t use the “L” word. While this frustration is understandable, once that guy says that he loves you, he is much more likely to actually mean it and take it seriously, than someone who tells you he loves you too quickly.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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5 years ago

Slow down and take your time.