A few weeks ago I set up a blind date for one of my tennis buddies with a girl I also know. She is educated, professional, quite attractive physically, feminine, not uptight, easy to talk to, and can take a mean joke. In other words, she appears to have all the qualities that would make her attractive to just about any guy. I don’t know her well enough to say if she would be considered a complete package, but besides being a big indecisiveness, I couldn’t think of too many other deal breakers. I didn’t know the guy well enough, but she liked his picture, and he appeared to me to be a clean-cut, professional guy who leads a “normal” lifestyle – exactly what she has been looking for. I suspected that she might find the guy boring, but since I didn’t know him that well, I didn’t want to assume that. Besides, I thought that he might be behaving completely differently with women from the way he was with me.
The girl, however, did report to me shortly after that get-together, that the guy was indeed way too “vanilla” for her. He was boring and he didn’t have anything interesting, meaningful, or entertaining to say that would wake her up, so to speak. He acted in an overly formal and restrained manner in her view, and she felt no chemistry whatsoever, even though she found him physically to be attractive.
My observations suggest that being vanilla – being overly polite and cautious in your interaction with a girl will only work with those women who are uptight and who are not interesting themselves. A girl who appreciates a little controversy, dry humor, and more meaningful conversations that go beyond talking about food, wine and weather is not going to be interested in a guy who is plain and who has nothing to say to challenge her thoughts and beliefs, who can’t make her laugh or wonder about something of significance.
Just the other day, one of my female co-workers, who I consider to have a great personality, told me that she thinks that women shouldn’t drive SUV’s. I looked at her and said with a 100% serious face: “I don’t think women should drive at all.” She started laughing so hard that she almost spilled a cup of coffee she was holding. Her response was predictable, and that’s the response that you should expect from a cool woman. Sure, it shouldn’t be the first joke you make when you meet someone new, but after a short while, you should be able to make sarcastic comments of this kind, as this kind of communication is major element of both intellectual and sexual attraction.
If you are interested in that higher caliber of women, there is simply no downside to taking those small risks in a conversation. Sure she might get put off or even offended by some of your jokes or remarks, but if she is offended by a harmless joke or observation that was meant to entertain her, it’s good news for you, as it’s likely to save you from spending too much time with a woman who doesn’t get you, because if she doesn’t – the chances of you having a romantic chemistry with her are slim to none.