Many women are really unhappy when guys treat them like sex objects, staring at their lips, chest, legs, and butts and obviously undressing them with their eyes. It’s not uncommon for a guy to just check the girl out or think about how hot she is and how much fun she would be in bed instead of listening to what she has to say during a friendly conversation, a business meeting or on a date with someone she barely knows and just recently met. Some men are better about hiding this than others.
Being treated like a sex object naturally happens more to the more physically attractive and/or provocatively dressed women and can indeed be annoying and frustrating especially when a woman is trying to work as hard as she can to assert herself as an educated, intelligent and successful individual, who wants to make a statement in this world not only as a woman but as a professional.
So, if you are one of those women who feels like she is being objectified at the wrong time in the wrong place – what can you do about it and should you do anything about the looks and the innuendos you get at all?
You have two options. The first one is to try to fight the men’s perception of you by calling them on their behavior, raising your “bitch shields” when you are out in a social or professional environment, and otherwise making yourself appear as a tougher woman. This, however, will hardly achieve any positive results. For obvious reasons, you cannot change men and the way they operate. By becoming a tough woman you are likely to hurt yourself more than help. Having an overtly skeptical, antagonistic mindset toward men can be a serious obstacle to your dating life and to being as open as you should be in order to have the chance of finding love.
A much better and wiser approach is embracing and understanding men’s nature. It doesn’t mean that you have to agree with it or endorse, but understanding where it’s coming from and not denying its origin that’s rooted deeply in the male physiology can be very helpful. It is very important that you accept this extremely powerful male drive to perceive a woman as a sex object first and foremost, before they see anything else in that female, especially if she is very attractive. This is not about tolerating disrespectful degrading behavior, or unwelcome sexual advances. This is simply about understanding how men operate and accepting the fact that the fact that they perceive you as a sex object is not a bad thing. It just is. And if nothing else – it’s a compliment. And let’s also not assume that just because a man appreciate your face body, it means he doesn’t appreciate your mind, heart and character. Why can’t he do both?
It so happens that women who understand men on that “guys” level get much more respect and come across as much more attractive and desirable women for dating and relationships that those women who are uptight and attempt to make men feel guilty about who they are and what they naturally desire.
Great article
Thanks!
Thanks for your reply and encouraging words. Although I did think that the energy healer’s comments to me regarding getting in touch with my femininity, sensuality and sexuality were probably intended as compliments, I guess I’m still a little on the fence regarding whether I should be flattered or offended. There’s part of me that thinks I should have been offended because according to a large segment of society,that’s the reaction that a “good and proper lady” should have when spoken to about sex by a man she’s not in a relationship with. Also, to address some of the factors you had mentioned such as how well I know the guy and timing, the healing session was the first and the only time I had met with him one on one. As far as how much I like him, I did think he was attractive and very good looking, but he’s married, and I respect that he’s unavailable and so of course, I wouldn’t try to pursue and/or flirt with him because to me that just wouldn’t be right.
My pleasure. You should definitely use your own mind when deciding whether to be offended or not and not follow what you believe a large segment of the society would do. So many people mindlessly follow what others think and do without giving it a thought of their own, and it often leads them in the wrong or not in the best direction.
I’m glad you appreciated my words and perspective:) I agree that just because a man admires a woman’s looks it doesn’t mean that’s the only thing he admires. And I also agree that the more interesting of a person she is, the more a man is likely to see beyond her image and like her as a person with his attraction only increasing as a result, and which is good if the woman likes him too.
Yes, it’s true that one should use their own mind about what’s offensive and what’s not. I guess sometimes I just find some of these things confusing, which is probably a result of s lack of experience. Oh well, hopefully one day it will all make more sense, ha ha.
Wow. Have you spent much time considering the appalling way that many women treat men? Ever gone to a nightclub and seen a guy try to ask a girl on the dance floor if she would like to dance with him, and he gets a back turned on him? I have countless recollections of trying to approach girls in a warm polite friendly manner, to get sworn at, blanked, or have insulting comments thrown at me in response. Even after suffering all this, I would never be discourteous or rude to any girl who made an effort to approach me and speak to me nicely, even if I found her to be totally unattractive and had little real interest in her. Oh how many times have I been out at night and seen girls who walk straight past me like I am not there. Girls who stand in a night club with a look on their face that sais, do not approach or speak to me, whoever you are, or you will get a turned back on you. Oh Boy! Oh Boy!
There is another point that'll you ladies should try to consider. Over the years I have lost count of the number of attractive young women in professional office environments who have flaunted their wears at me in manners that are almost embarrassing, because they wanted to attract my attention. Unfortunately however, I personally do not feel comfortable with that in a formal office type environment and have never had the courage to respond to the quite brazen behavior that girls have shown to me. It should be pointed out that I am neither young nor terribly handsome, so why all these girls have acted like this is a mystery I me. However, I have also lost count o he number of times when I have been out in a bar or a nightclub and tried approaching a girl, even when the approach is courteous and very well mannered, the responses are likely to be rude, or of indifference. It seems like if a girl decides that she wants to attract a guys attention then it is OK for her to show off all her physical parts and to give highly provocative looks across a room, but if a guy decides that he likes a girl and tries he same, then he is a narrow minded pig who treats women like sex objects. Take it from me, I’ve been suffering this stuff for years.
Thanks for the straight forward question. It actually appended to me, in Thailand a few years back. I had an attractive Thai girl for the night and had been with quite a few before and was suffering somewhat from fatigue. My equipment took a little while to get functional and I will never forget the image of this girl, with a perfect firm body and breasts kneeling on he bed, arms on her hips in frustrated annoyance as she spoke directly to my penis. “Wake up!Wake up!” At he time it seemed a little awkward, but in retrospect I often laugh about it. Yes, it is great when a girl talks directly to a guy,s penis. I have often recounted the experience to many other Thai girls since, and they seem to find it just as hilarious as I do, so yes, us guys like it when you talk to our penises, honest.
Oh, reading this and seeing the understanding was like a breath of fresh air. A man finding a woman attractive and desirable is not him demeaning her, it is in fact the exact opposite. When I see an attractive young woman I see the most wonderful thing in the universe, that outstrips the awe inspiring effect of the great pyramids of Egypt. All these women who find this to be something that is demeaning and lessens their worth, what kind of weird wrong way round logic is this. I work in professional Engineering environments where these days there are many women at senior levels. When they have no hang ups and just relate to everyone normally, if they are good at their jobs then they will be respected for it. This however has nothing to do with admiring a girl for her attractiveness. Women are two things, an individual person with intellect and views, and a woman. What women do not seem to understand is that it is natural that a man will admire a woman for being a woman, as quite a distinct and separate thing from her qualities as an individual who happens to be of a specific gender. It’s not rocket science
I completely agree. First, admiring a woman for her looks and sexuality is a compliment and not an insult, and a woman who understands this and is flattered by it rather than insulted by it will get more respect from guys than the uptight one who things that looking at her as a sex object is some kind of crime.
I think the root of the problem is that many men are addicted to porn. It conditions them to think of women purely as sex objects. The images are reinforced by masturbating to them, like a rat in an experiment that hits a button to get cheese. I think most men don't realize the effect that porn has on their minds and their ability to actually interact with women like human beings.
Good point. There is another site to it as well. Many guys experience the great benefits of quitting porn or minimizing watching and masturbating to porn – increased sexual desire and far greater from sex with women. The other benefit is that the guy who stops watching porn develops greater attraction toward women who he didn't find all that attractive before. This actually has far reaching consequences of broadening his choices in who he would be willing to date and have sex with, among other thing.
Thanks.
"Natural"??!!! Duh! Men do have sex drive, but talking to boobs instead of face is pure lack of culture! Women do have sex drive too – so why not talk to penises? Would this be pleasant to you guys?
Having sex drive is not a wrong thing, but how you respond to it is the thing. It is hard, but we respect much more guys who keep sexual actions to the right moment. Use such a thing in your head that is called empathy.
Good point. It's quite harder for guys to control the urge of looking at the parts of the woman's body that they find most sexually attractive and desirable, while women have no interest in looking at guys' crutch, until the very moment of having sex or right before. Having said that, of course every guy should have the minimal self restraint to not give dirty looks to a girl as it will serve her and his interests in that interaction equally well.
You are so damm right. I completely agree even I feel that way. How much sexually attractive a girl may be but still any decent guy who truly loves her will wait for a right moment and won’t treat her like crap. This is no excuse!
Obviously written by a man.
I agree with praticalhappiness. Men are hardwired from the birth of our mutual rise to intelligence to see us as sexual beings first and sensual being second. The main problem with people as a species is that they want to put each and every aspect of their own individual lives in all these separate little boxes….mainly focusing on their own little "here and now"!!! It seems as though the 'civilized' world governments are not very hard pressed to keep enacting more and more 'politically correct' laws. WHY??? Because far too many people want to advance human social-sexual evolution beyond our ability to assimilate it in so short a time. I remember the Billie Jean King vs Bobby Riggs fiasco. I thought to myself, is this what Women's Lib needs? Emasculating men during a time of delicate social change? And having man hating lesbians in the womens movement wasn't so bright either. This is why there are so many divorces, so many serial rapists, so many of us being beat upon. We just couldn't take things nice and slow. We had to push and push and keep pushing for more and more than men will take after 100.000 years plus of social-sexual evolution. We want it all. Everything at once. And screw the politician who doesn't enact laws to protect us as we demand even more from the men who are our fathers, brothers and lovers!!!
The worst thing is every time I get that step closer to Love its with a man who treats me like crap. So, he has a busy life, kids and was brought up with an emotionless mother. Therefore his first role-model has somehow transferred to me, I get treated like a sex object and every time i get in closer for a cuddle the first thing he does is stick my hand down his pants!
I wanted to get attached his daughter was awkward around me so I told him I would only see him alone to make things easier and then told him that this “fling” is over. Whats worse I left My partner before him who was “deeply in love” with me (his words not mine) and the more he bothered me the less attracted I was. He was a nice guy.
The guy who isnt interested with me wont share any detail as to why he treats me the way he does and when I told him it was over….. not even a response. The worse thing is, I know he likes me even if its just a little bit and the quickest way home from college passes his street and his window, I started out happy today but when I went to get my keys back (from his neighbours not his)I left feeling sad. I will have to walk an extra 10 minutes to avoid this guy because I know face to face he could make me crawl back with this constant cycle being nothing but a screw when he feels like it.
Men are only interested when your with someone else, if it flows from that and your fairly attractive, good luck because the best your ever going to get is the treatings of a sexual slave and housewife and be repeatedly demoralised. I work my ass off 7 days a week and sometimes I like to ask myself why do you want put up with it for so long. Thats my sob storey, I feel much better know even if no-one else is listening, It might be over now but how long?
Im with, WITH on this one..
Some of the most well intended, but mis-guided advice Iv ever read..
Wake up girl.. Im sorry but you are not seeing clearly here..
I really dont think you understand the REAL truth of male behavour..
Ill give you an insight that I noticed whilst reading this artical, Im not surgesting its as truth, but its something you might wont to consider..
It feels like your taking on the 'responsiblity' for the behaviour,
by surgesting that it is 'you' or the 'female'. who should understand and accept and, After all isnt it our 'fault' for being so attractive..?
belive me, men who behave like this, are more than happy to convince you of this long standing believe, YOU (the female) take responsibility, YOU (the female) change YOUR attitude, so they don't have too, they don't have to change, or do the hard work of examining and questioning their own behaviour.
Also something els for you to chew on.. by your accepting and taking responsibilty, you are actually taking away their opportunity for learning and personal growth.
Thankfully not ALL men treat women so utterly appallingly, there are some great guys out there, who just would'nt dream of treating women in this way.
Lets not lump them all together in the same box:)
So what you're saying is that I should accept men's "nature" in order not to end up alone? No thanks, I'd rather be alone, lonely and left out by everybody than be treated like an object (let alone a sex object). Besides, that's not men's nature, as you so candidly wrote. That's just what men and even women are conditioned to think. At a very young age, boys are told that they are somehow superior and that they can have every woman out there. And girls are told they are inferior and should tolerate any crap coming from the other sex. That's not nature, that's society and its corrupted, sexist thinking. Let's stop lying to ourselves by calling every hard-to-deal-with behavior a natural one. No, this is not natural. This is not okay. We should start educating people if we want to make this a better world. I, for one, will never tolerate anyone treating me in a degrading way. If every woman out there says the same thing and does something about this, sexism will start to disappear. Besides, there are few men out there who are decent human beings, they're against sexism and don't treat women as such, so there probably is hope left for others. The hardest thing to do is to awaken women themselves and make them see the truth. The sad thing is when women themselves are convinced they are inferior or should tolerate sexist behaviors after reading such articles and learning that it's "okay" to be treated that way just to be "desirable for men" and "earn their respect". LOL, respect… That's the biggest joke I've ever read. How can you earn someone's respect when they have none to start with? How is it earning any respect when you tolerate others to perceive you as a sex object? Women, don't fall for this. Learn how to respect yourselves by not tolerating any crap from anyone no matter what. If you don't respect yourselves, no one would. Believe me.
@WTH
Thanks for your feedback. What I meant say that it would be useful for every woman to accept the men's nature not in a sense of tolerating disrespectful behavior or treatment but in a sense of not being in denial as to what drives men. There is a lot of hypocrisy out there as to why men cheat, for instance. That hypocrisy often comes from men themselves. They would blame stress, psychological problems, mental issues and just about anything else rather than admitting what usually is the case. Few men have to guts to say it how it is: "I was very attracted and arroused by this woman, I had an opportunity and I went for it." This doesn't make it right or kind, but admitting the truth to yourself and others should be the first step toward solving any issues that this and similar kinds of behaviors cause.
well women look at men like money making object dont they
Nice read! Valid