So, you started chatting with a girl on OkCupid, Match or any other similar site. At what point should you ask for her telephone number? Some suggest that you should ask for her number as soon as possible. This suggestion overlooks one very important difference between men and women when it comes to attraction. When you, the guy, decide to contact a woman online – you already know that you find her attractive enough sexually based on her photo, and you know that you want to meet her. The woman who gets your message and checks out your profile, on the other hand, will most likely have a neutral opinion of who you are or just slightly better than neutral, unless you are strikingly good looking, or unless your profile is very interesting or both. In most cases, however, as pointed out earlier, her impression of you will be neutral, and it will take some time until she becomes intrigued by you and interested enough to look forward to meeting you. One major exception to this rule is those girls who are considered serial daters. They just try to meet as many guys as humanly possible, which means talking to and meeting for a coffee or drink with as many guys as possible as soon as possible.
How does this affect the proper timing of asking a woman for her phone number online?
This means that you should exchange about 3-4 e-mails to establish a good, interesting, stimulating interaction and get her more curious about you. Ideally, you want to get her to start thinking that you are not like eighty other guys who she met so far. If she is a little more invested into her interaction with you, she will actually be looking forward to talking to you and meeting you.
On the other hand, you should of course make sure that your e-mail communication doesn’t last for too long. I have heard quite a few times women complain about guys sending way too many message and never get to asking them out, which is lame. Most women are not going to initiate that, so in case it’s not obvious to you yet – it’s your job to move from chatting online to talking on the phone and meeting in person.
You might be wondering why I mention talking on the phone this day and age, when people pretty much only text. This is the exact reason that I encourage you to pick up the phone and talk to the girl you met online before you meet – because almost no one else does it, and that’s your opportunity to stand out from all the other guys. Also, talking on the phone can be a huge time saver. While you might not necessarily be able to determine based on a phone conversation that she is great or she is the kind of girl that you would like to get to know and date, you might be able to tell just by one phone conversation that she is not the one you want to get to know. A 10-15 minute conversation on the phone might reveal that you can’t stand her voice, or that she talks way too much, or that she is too uptight and can’t take the most innocent joke, or she disagrees with you on something that’s very important to you. Wouldn’t you rather find that out earlier than later and avoid setting aside an evening for a date with her?