A Reader Asks:
What good questions can I ask a girl on a date to make it more interesting and engaging, and hopefully different from many other dates that girl has been going out on?
PH Answers:
First, let’s talk about what not to ask on that first date. I suggest you avoid asking all the cliche questionnaire questions one after the other that everyone else is asking, such as “What do you do?” “Where do you live?”, “Where are you from?” etc. These types of questions turn a date into an interview or will send you straight into a friends zone if asked in a row. These questions are ok to ask, but you should not be shooting them one after the other on a first date. If your date goes well, there will be plenty of time for you to find out more about her occupation, and her other biographical information.
After you make sure you follow the above rule, you should also follow three other important rules:
(1) Make her think, and challenge her to express an opinion, instead of simply asking her yes/no questions. A smart, interesting guys talks about interesting things and asks interesting questions that others wouldn’t. Talk about things other than you and her that would get her to think. Here are a few examples:
Ask her about a movie your recently saw and the character in that movie who you could or could not relate to. Ask her what she thinks about him/her and why she agrees or disagrees with his/her actions in a movie. Did she like the movie or did she think it was overrated? What about the leading actor – was he brilliant or could he have done a better job. Or, maybe you were thinking about attending a certain concert of some famous singer or a band. Ask her if she likes the artist and whether she is planning to go.
If you recently went to a great trip, bring it up and ask her whether she is has been there. If not, ask her what her most memorable travel or hiking type destination has been so far and why it was so special to her. When you ask not just “what” but “why” you make your conversation go much deeper, making it more interesting and engaging to both of you, if in fact you have the right chemistry. And if you don’t – this will help you learn that sooner, which is again to your benefit.
Or, if nothing else comes to mind, just comment on something in your immediate surroundings. Maybe someone else nearby looks like someone famous, or maybe there is something about the decor of the place where you are in that’s worth pointing out. If you sit at a cool cafe on a date with her, say “I love this place, I wish there were more places like this around. Did you ever want to own a coffee shop/restaurant?” or something like that.
Bring up a recent cultural or political event and see what she has to say about it. Don’t be too serious about it, and try to inject some humor into your commentary. Contrary to what some people say, there is nothing wrong with bringing up politics or science or even religion on a date as long as you don’t end up talking about it for half an hour or try to prove to her that you are right and she is wrong, and as long as you don’t come across as some kind of uncompromising extremist.
(2) Be an active listener. Listen to her responses to your questions. In many cases, her answers to your questions will give you plenty to follow up on, as she will reveal in her answers what she thinks and how she feels about certain things that you bring up. If the girl you are out with is smart and educated, there will be no greater compliment to her than actually noticing that you are not just sitting and listening to her but you are actually paying attention to what she has to say and try to analyze. This also says a lot of good and not so common things about your own intellectual abilities in her eyes, and again – the right girl is going to very much appreciate it.
(3) Mix in humor. A girl is going to get tired of the most interesting conversation with the most attentive guy, unless that conversation has at least some comedy and sarcasm mixed into it. Effective flirting requires banter. Conversation without humor and banter will rarely lead to strong romantic tension. You can’t act stiff and formal the entire date, and you must push the envelope at least a little. Different girls respond differently to the different types of humor and sarcasm.
But, once you develop your own style of humor that you actually enjoy and that reflect who you are, you will be able to more effectively attract those women who are on the same mental channel as you are. This will be one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs that’s out there, especially for the more intelligent girls out there, who are usually looking to meet a guy who possesses sharp wit. This, of course, doesn’t mean you should be some kind of clown or that you should put on a comedy show on a date, but the James Bond type 75% serious / 25% funny / sarcastic ratio in your interaction is a good rule to follow.
As I mentioned many times before in a number of videos and articles, coming across as interesting and different from other guys on a date is one of the most important impression you should make on the girl you are out with, because so many of the girls complain about how boring the guys they meet are. If you follow the above simple rules on a first date, you are guaranteed to come across as different and more interesting than 90% of the guys that any girl has been out on a date with.
Of course, having a good conversation alone might not be enough, if physical attraction and other things that we refer to as “chemistry” are absent, but if the girl is physically attracted to you, being a better, more interesting and different conversationalist will greatly amplify her interest in and attraction to you.
