How to Not Pick Up Women at Bars (Guest Posting by a Woman)

How not to pick up a girl at a bar Dating at 25 is a lot different and a lot harder than dating at 20 and 21. It was easy back then because all you had to do was go to class, and you would¬†probably see¬†a cute classmate that you could chat up about a test. Now you have to have friends who have single friends, do online dating, dip your pen into the company ink, or try your luck at the bars. Naturally, going out every weekend is a staple of the single twenty something, so it seems only fitting to want to try your luck out at the bar. But as a girl who gets hit on at bars, I gotta¬†say that¬†you’re doing it wrong. I’m open to meeting someone at a bar just as much as you are, but dudes – ¬†you need to work on your approach. Please use the examples below as things you should never say to a girl you approach at a bar.

This past weekend a guy approached me and said he liked my outfit. I thanked him. He proceeded to tell me he wasn’t very smart, because he was in the military for five years. Then he¬†dropped that he was military for five years again, shortly followed by how he doesn’t like to have smart conversations, because they are boring. Then he said –¬†‘here, look at my car” and whipped out his phone¬† to show the picture of his car. Obviously,¬†that guy was a mess and here’s why everything he did was wrong: he told me he was dumb several times. Girls aren’t into insecure¬†guys or stupid ones for that matter. He tried to impress me by saying he was in the military for five years, twice. I heard you the first time. He wanted to prove he was worth talking to, so he showed me his car and got mad when I couldn’t tell what it was. Do not generate conversation by bragging about yourself and what you own.¬†It is also somewhat¬†insulting when the guy assumes that you will be impressed by his car. ¬†Instead, ask the girl questions and wait for her to ask about you, at which point you should be honest and humble. Bragging to women¬†about how great of a guy you are is an easy way to convey that you don’t think you’re good enough.

A similar incident happened when¬†one guy told me he hated the State we both lived in and then said he was only staying because he makes almost 200K a year at his job. Do not salary drop even if you don’t mean to brag. Why? Because we know when¬†you’re lying. You’re also the guy that will get mad when you date a gold digger. Keep your salary, investments, and so called impressive money attributes to yourself when you’re first meeting someone.

Men frequently try to break the ice with me by insulting me. I’ve seen a few pick up artist websites that endorse this behavior, but please, for the love of God stop doing this. I’ve had guys insult the shoes, scarf and purse I was wearing. They’ve mocked my height and drink choice. This is not cool and it certainly doesn’t intrigue or turn me on like some of those pick up website suggest. I didn’t care about your approval before you opened your mouth, and now I really don’t care. Insulting is not a way to make a girl feels vulnerable or a way to make you feel less out of her league. It’s just rude and annoying. The next time you want to talk to a girl, try saying “Hi” and compliment her or ask her a question about your surroundings, her drink, or the song that is playing at that moment at a bar. What you say doesn’t have to be very profound, and it doesn’t have to sweep her off her feet.

Recently, a guy eavesdropped on a conversation a friend and I were having while waiting for a drink. It was about her panty hose falling down. He interjected and asked what we were talking about and made a few comments about it. Hi, please don’t butt into my conversations, especially one like that. This technique only works when you can overhear a loud conversation that’s appropriate and you can easily segue into.

Finally, pick up lines. These aren’t heard often, but when they are, I want to bang my head against the wall. The cheesy “Who lies more often, men or women?” survey trick is overused and obvious. If you want to approach a group of women, try to at least come up with an original question, maybe even something like “My friends and I were debating which restaurant makes the best burger in town, what do you guys think?”

When it comes to approaching women in bars the technique is simple. Approach, say “Hi”, compliment her (in a non-perverted or otherwise offensive kind of way), offer your name, ask for hers, find something interesting about her to ask about, have a genuine conversation as you would with any other human being,¬†and then walk away right as you got her number. Don’t insult her, don’t talk negatively about yourself, don’t brag about yourself, don’t lie and don’t used canned material. We read dating¬†and relationship advice books – we are familiar with Mystery and many other players – pick up artists. We know their tricks as well as you do.¬† Just be yourself, because at the end of the day, we can just go home and hit up our vibrators from Adam and Eve. They’ll get the job done and we won’t have to be insulted for it. Good luck out there.

You may also like

About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
Bookmark the permalink.


  1. student and teacher

    Well written. This article makes me feel much better about myself. Especially since I don’t do ANY of those negative things.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.