Why You Are More Attractive When You Are Not Single

simple, effective pick-up lineEvery guy (and probably every girl too) has experienced this ironic phenomenon that somehow it’s so much easier to meet someone when you are already dating someone, or when you are in a relationship. It also seems like people show more interest in you when you are already involved with someone than when you are single.

As a guy, when you are single, you might be frustrated with going out and not meeting anyone for weeks, months or even longer. When you are dating someone, however, women seem to be noticing you more, smiling at you more, and you yourself feel more confident talking to them.

What is going on here? Why is it that you have more opportunities for meeting women when you are already dating someone? While many people give all kinds of metaphysical explanations for this, i.e.  – women can smell desperation or are more attracted to guys who are not available because of the competition between women over the same guy – I think that the answer to this question is far more simple:  When you have been single for a while, you can’t help but develop a certain set of behaviors that negatively affect both, your ability to meet women and your interactions with the women you meet. And the longer you have been single, and the longer you have been unsuccessfully trying to meet women, the more extreme the negative vibe you give to the women you meet you will be, which in turn will make it even harder to attract them. This vicious circle is hard to break but, it is surely worth trying. The first step to correcting those aspects of your behavior that prevent you from meeting and attracting women due to the “drought” season is understanding what these unattractive behaviors are:

Being Single For Too Too Long Affects Your Body Language

The problems start from your body language. There will be a hint of angst and frustration in you step and your movement that women will notice. You will look uncomfortable and jerky when you are talking to women because the steaks are higher for you since meeting women and having sex in this situation is so much more important and urgent. Women don’t like that vibe, because when you are uncomfortable, it makes them feel uncomfortable. If you act like you are being wanted by the police, very few women will find being around you to be enjoyable. You might also be looking around and fishing for an eye contact way too much, which will make you look creepy. When you approach women and try to meet them, you will be treating the whole exchange as a matter of life or death, because it has been such a rare event for you lately. Your anxiety over that first interaction with a woman will make her feel nervous while talking to you, and not at ease, like she should be. This in turn will increase the chances of her not wanting to see you again, or not calling you back later, when you call her to ask her out, because she will think you are weird. Women love the “weird” word. To them, it’s an all encompassing term for every behavior that might suggest that there is the slightest risk that the guy might a red flag to them.

Being Single for Too Long Affects Your Behavior on a Date

If you go out on a date after not dating for a long time, your behavior on that date will likely be unattractive as well. You will either be trying way too hard to impress the girl because you have so few opportunities to do that, or you will be way too aggressive sexually out of sheer hunger for sex and affection that you haven’t had for a long time. You might also not knowing what to do and what to talk about because you have been out of practice for so long.

The only thing that’s even worse than all of the above is telling the girl on that date about how difficult it is for you to meet women because you are very picky and there are so few women out there who are worth your time, and hoping that her empathy for your challenges will translate into her wanting to date you and have sex with you. Guess what – it’s not happening.

Being Single for Too Long Makes You Believe that Women Are the Enemy

Above all, not meeting women and being single for a long time will rationalize hating women in your mind. You will come up with all kinds of reasons why all the women out there are no good. You will find plenty of blogs and books out there justifying your inability to meet women. These blogs will make you feel better about it. From bashing feminism to blaming Facebook and smartphones for making women as terrible as they are – there are thousands of articles out there who are as entertaining as they are extreme. The authors of those writings turn women into the enemy, referring to getting laid as some kind of victory – a conquest. As tempting as having that kind of mindset might be, it is not going to serve you well; certainly not in a long term. Perceiving meeting women, asking them out, going out on dates and having sex as some kind of competition will cloud your mind and judgment and will prevent you from doing the right things naturally, especially when you meet that someone special who also finds you to be very special.

Meeting and Dating Women Changes Your Behavior and Makes You More Attractive  

As you start meeting and dating women, all of the above elements of your behavior will change. You will of course be checking out other girls, but you will not have the same creepy hunger in your eyes, as you did when you were not dating anyone. Your body language will be more natural and more relaxed. Because of your experience and because you will have options, your new interactions with women will not feel like a matter of life or death. You will be less nervous talking to women, and this will likely make them feel more comfortable around you.

You will also be less eager to impress girls on a date, and you won’t try to get laid as soon as humanly possible, because you will know that you have other prospects, if one particular situation doesn’t work out.

Above all, you will no longer feel like women are the enemy. Your interactions with women will be more “mild” and will be free of that overly bitter cynicism which is so off-putting to the opposite sex. You will start realizing that like men, some women are wonderful, others are awful, and there are plenty of others who are somewhat in between.

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  1. Yeah and I guarantee you that they go on tons and tons of dates, or have tons of opportunities to go out on dates with guys they like – much more so than the other way around. I also guarantee you that women will complain regardless, because there is so much discomfort at admitting how easy it is for a woman to get dates and dating experience as opposed to a guy. That concept does not sit well with women who want to say they are oppressed by the man, feminism, etc. That is also fact and observation, not just opinion. Ok cupid did a study, that proved women have a very high response rate if they send the first message over guys. So much so that women who do this have an awesome dating life. Again, fact and observation.

  2. This really depends on age and location, but plenty of women out there complain about only meeting boring guys or not being able to meet anyone they connect with. This is not my opinion. This is just a fact and observation.

  3. You’re wrong – any woman who is decent looking and up can find someone they like with relative ease. By decent looking I do not mean supermodel – just eat right, exercise regularly – which guys and girls should do anyway. Women who do this who have online dating profiles directly directly told me how easy it was to get dates from guys they liked, and admitted that they KNEW if they messaged a guy first or in person there was a near zero chance they would get rejected.

  4. That’s not entirely true. Sometimes, women don’t have “options” and in this context by options I don’t mean just dating anyone, but dating someone they like and are excited about spending time with.

  5. its much easier for a guy to become single for a long period of time than it is for a woman (assuming both keep in shape and a reasoanble diet and try to look attractive) – the only reason woman like that won’t date is because the timing is off, or because she is too busy with work. It’s NEVER FUCKING EVER due to a lack of options, in online or real life. It boggles my mind how you don’t understand this dynamic and why its legitimate to feel the way these guys do.

  6. I think the same applies to women. We look happier, friendlier and more approachable when we are seeing someone. I know I am approached more often when I am dating someone. If there is a guy in my life who I like and how makes me happier, this will of course show on my face and in my behavior, so this is not at all surprising.

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