Avoid Bad Dating Advice about Being a Challenge

Every time I witness a certain behavior by a guy that is clearly motivated by a bad dating advice, I can’t help but get angry at all the sources of that mediocre, generic, useless or even harmful sources of bad dating advice, and I feel eager to share it with you, my reader, in a form of article, video or a newsletter in order to make sure that you don’t fall victim to such misleading information on attracting and dating women.

Here is just one recent example to illustrate this. My female friend was telling me about her recent first-date experience. She met this guy at a local cafe late in the evening. While they were having a coffee and a snack he excused himself to the restroom. While he was away, the girl stepped outside to get a breath of fresh air and started talking to a cab driver who was taking a cigarette break right by the door. Approximately 10 minutes later, her date came back from the restroom. As he saw her talking to the driver outside the cafe, he took off, leaving her all by herself at a cafe late at night. She then called me asking me to give her a ride because she had no way of getting back home.

As I was giving her a ride and we were discussing her date, she texted the guy “I can’t believe you left me stuck in there all by myself” to which he replied with: “I am a popular guy. Many women want me. I am not waiting for anybody.” To her it didn’t make sense, but I could literally see what the guy’s mind was going through – to me it was obvious that he was “pumped” with all the popular dating advice that urges men to be a challenge, be unavailable, play hard to get, act like players and remind women that they don’t mean that much to the guy. This advice is often misguided and tends to be taken to the extreme by those men who take it literally.

Indeed, in that particular case, it was very important for the guy to understand that there is a big difference between being confident and attractive and being a “challenge.” While confidence demonstrated through sense of humor, great communication skills, ability to make decisions quickly, and interesting, sassy personality are very attractive, I have never seen the “challenge” theory working for any guy. Surely, being a doormat, catering to a woman’s every need and being at her doorsteps at her request will make you more repelling than a spring fever. But… why jump into another extreme and act as if you didn’t care about her at all if you do care? This simply doesn’t work.

A woman WANTS to be cared for and she wants to know that the guy cares. But, it’s the way in which that care is demonstrated that matters to how she perceives you. If your actions and words communicate: “I like you, I think you are a cool and interesting woman and I would like to get to know you better. I am an attractive, confident guy who has no problems meeting women, but I like you more than others and therefore I want to be with you” – this will surely amplify the mutual attraction between you and the woman you are seeing. If, on the other hand, your actions and words convey “please love me, I can’t be without you and I don’t think I will ever find anyone like you” this will be very unattractive and will make a woman lose interest in you very quickly. Similarly: “I don’t care about you and I can get a woman like you any time” isn’t going to work either. A woman wants to feel special and she wants to be special to the man that she is with.

So, avoid following this kind of bad dating advice – being the kind of a “challenge” guy, whose carelessness and artificial emotional unavailability make him come across as unattractive or even ridiculous, and make sure that you show your interest in genuine and attractive ways, because there are such ways an they can make you and the target of your romantic interest feel very special.

Remember, there is a difference between expressing your interest in a confident, attractive and fun way and begging for attention. Showing to the girl that you like her doesn’t make you look needy or desperate unless the way in which you do it is desperate.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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7 years ago

I can’t believe he texted her that. That was rude.

Magnus K
Magnus K
12 years ago

Very well said. Being in a relationship is challenging enough as it is, why make it more difficult by using aforementioned tactics. Be yourself and be confident, when you find the right person they will fall in love with the real you.

13 years ago

Wow! That's what happened to me the other night. I finally met a really nice girl. I used some "tactics" that I got from bad dating advice and she saw right through them. I should have just been myself.