When I started this site, I was obsessed with all kinds of marketing strategies – search engine optimization, link directories, advertising on other sites, trying to convince people to visit my site and buy my audio program and books, but it didn’t go very well. Then, one day, one of my good friends told me: “Share your knowledge with the public, create interesting, unique and useful content, and the problem will take care of itself naturally.” This was one of the best kinds of advice I have ever received. It might sound obvious today but it wasn’t back then.
I truly believe that the same principle applies to dating and attracting people. Many guys think that by telling a woman that they like her and that they are interested in her, she is actually going to like them and be interested in getting to know them in return. However, compliments without more will not make her more interested in you. By nature, we become attracted to another person and we attract others by demonstrating those qualities of ours that make us attractive. From appearance and style, to behavior, manners, ability to share interesting thoughts and ideas, and being a great physical partner – these are the qualities that make one person attractive to the other; not constantly telling the other person how wonderful they are. This is exactly the reason why telling a girl, who you sit next to at a bar, “I like your hair” is not nearly as good as showing your attractive sense of humor by saying playfully something like “God! This music sucks!” or saying anything else that suggests that you are funny, unique, or interesting, or all of the above.
Pretty much the same thing applies to dating and long-term relationships. A relationship doesn’t thrive on the two people convincing each other verbally that they are meant to be together. Maintaining and strengthening a romantic partnership requires seeing in each other those qualities that we normally admire in our partner – character, behavior and actions that make us really appreciate the other person. How does your partner handle stressful situations and conflicts? What is his work ethic? How well is he able to manage his finances? Does he know when and how to let go and get away from it all?
As romantic as “I love you and I want to be with you forever” sounds, it doesn’t “cut it” in real life. A woman wants to share her life with a man who loves her, but this alone will not keep her around. That man has to have those qualities that suggest that he will be a good all-around long term partner, even if he is not perfect.