How To Handle Her Cancelling Your Date Or Rescheduling The Right Way

Whether you want it or not, every single interaction you have with a woman from that first message to your video call with her or your first and second dates, and for quite a while longer is a test – a test of your personality, character and specifically – the test of your ability to overcome the most basic issues and have the most minimal patience as a guy. I know, I know – you are testing her as well, consciously or subconsciously, but now we are talking about you.  

One common mistake many guys make when setting up that first date is reacting impulsively to the girl’s canceling or rescheduling a date.  And, of course, the more you think you like the girl and the more you look forward to seeing her, the more annoying that cancellation will be. However, this is also your opportunity to show an important and attractive quality of confidence and emotional balance that you either have or you better develop, if you haven’t yet. 

First, let’s look at the wrong reaction to “I can’t make it today can we meet next week” – 

“Why couldn’t you let me know earlier?” “Do you really want to meet or are you going to flake on me again?” “Are you playing games?”    

Even though men who respond this way have a point, this usually triggers a defensive response from a woman and her likely blocking you. This happens for one simple reason – you may be very attracted to her but she probably isn’t yet and she also believes that she doesn’t owe you anything as she barely knows you. Based on your reaction to her changing plans on you, she will also start wondering how angry you will get once you have a real issue to deal with, if you get so worked up about her simply trying to reschedule your date.   

A much better response would be “No problem, see you next Tuesday”. If she tries to reschedule several times, it might be a good time to turn up a playful banter – “I am sorry I have been canceling on you. I promise not to reschedule again” or “I look forward to eventually meeting you.”  If she continues to reschedule, it would be perfectly appropriate to say: “It sounds like you are super busy. I don’t want to add more to your plate. Maybe it’s not a good time for you to meet up?”   These types of responses mean that you are in a mature state of mind and are rattled easily.   

The reason many guys get so upset when the date is canceled is twofold: (a) they were really looking forward to that date; and (b) they didn’t have a back-up plan. While you don’t have much control over (a) and it’s actually good to feel that way, you have all the control in the world over (b). In the ideal world, you should be at least partially happy that the date was canceled, because you will get to go for a run, bike ride, tennis game, hang out with friends at a bar, check out that new cafe, or even catch up on work.  You should always have some type of basic back plan in case any woman cancels on you.  This will ensure that you don’t get as upset about it and it will also increase the chances of you not reacting in an impulsive manner.  

Some men will find what I am suggesting to be a low-status behavior because they think that allowing a woman to do this to them means allowing them to be disrespected. They also believe they should cut any woman who rescheduled loose right away. While I appreciate the sentiment, especially given the amount of flaking out there,  I don’t think it’s a winning strategy. You are not going to gain anything by not giving a woman the benefit of the doubt that she has a legitimate reason for needing to reschedule. You will also be showing to her and toy yourself that your ego is so fragile that it can’t even handle something as simple as moving your date a few days out. On the other hand, if you react in a very calm and understanding way to any type of change of plans, this will be at least one solid sign to her that you are an emotionally stable guy, who isn’t rattled by the most basic things when it comes to getting to know someone.