How Comparing Yourself to Others Can Hurt Your Dating Life

comparing yourself to others and your confidenceComparing yourself to others – your co-workers, peers, neighbors or even those who are simply of the same age as you are is a bad idea when it comes to many areas of life, including dating. I have known quite a few people whose dating life was paralyzed by all kinds of excuses due to the fact that they were comparing themselves to others. “I can’t date now because unlike X, I don’t have a good job, or a nice car, or I am not as tall as Y, or I am not as smooth of a talker as Z, or I am not as attractive and my head is not as full of hair as J’s.”

Comparing yourself to other guys might make you feel a little better about not being where you would you like to be in your dating and love life by rationalizing your lack of success. However, it is not going to change your “bottom line”. It’s not going to make you more attractive, and it’s certainly not going to improving your dating life, (whether you are a guy or a woman).

There is simply no good reason to compare yourself to others. You need to remember that we all have our own unique life path with our specific advantages and obstacles (both natural and acquired). Some of us graduate from college at 22, while others go to the military or marry early or have some other circumstances that postpone our academic plans for later. For instance, some guys in the Silicon Valley are billionaires by their mid twenties, while others struggle to figure out what they want to do work wise in their mid 40’s or later. There is always someone more or less successful, attractive, tall, or interesting. Just because you are not at the very top in every department (or any department) doesn’t mean it should stop you from pursuing the kind of women and the kind of relationship you want to have.

I am sure that you have seen a few very attractive women with guys who you didn’t think much of, and you couldn’t help but think “What does she see in him?” Well, clearly she sees something in him that you don’t. The same applies to many guys and women. As one of my friends pointed out very wisely a few years ago: “The girl doesn’t have to be hot; she has to be hot to me.”  This is what you need to be. You need to be attractive and desirable to some women; not all women. This requires developing yourself, your personality, your social skills and your place in the world, without comparing yourself to anyone else.

Comparing yourself to other guys from your girlfriend’s past can lead to many nasty and completely unnecessary arguments in an existing relationship. How many guys out there start interrogating their girlfriends about that other guy in their past and whether he was a better boyfriend, lover, etc… This never leads to anything good and you absolutely must resist ever going in that direction in a conversation.

Comparing yourself to others is also a clear sign of insecurity on your part that you don’t want to show to the woman you are with. If you are confident in your own place and how things go between you and her, why would you feel the need to be rated relative to the previous men in her life?

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About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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