Many of us don’t know what we really want as far as attraction and love go nearly as well as we think we do. This comes into play in two major aspects of dating:
1. You Might Think You Have a Type, But Do You Really?
How many times have you heard this girl say that she only likes tall and dark guys to only see her fall for a guy who is shorter and lighter? How many times have you heard someone say that education is a must to them in their relationship partner, or that they will never go out with someone who likes to party, and then they end up dating a social butterfly or someone who dropped out of college or never went to college? You might have announced before to your friends what you are looking for in a dating partner and what your deal breakers are. However, your dating life showed over the years that you are far more flexible about both, what you like and what you wish to avoid in others.
The reason for this common discrepancy is that there are so many other intangible factors that come into play, which go far beyond the bullet points that we evaluate potential partners on. Just because someone doesn’t have the right job or the right college degree doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have the charisma and the sense of humor that will intrigue you and attract you more than any formal education. Just because that guy you met is bald, or shorter than you would like the guy you are with to be, doesn’t mean that his personality or confidence don’t make up for those other shortcoming.
The same applies to being attracted to women. Just because that girl doesn’t have a face or a body of a supermodel doesn’t mean that you will not find her extremely desirable sexually and otherwise for other reasons. Perhaps her voice, and the way she touches you and kisses you turns you on in ways that other, seemingly more attractive women weren’t able to do. Perhaps she is of an ethnicity that you never thought you would be interesting in dating because you have never gone out with a woman of the same race. However now you realize how attracted you can be to the members of her ethnic origin.
2. Just Because You Are Not Looking for a Serious Relationship, Doesn’t Mean That It Won’t Find You
So many people who have affairs agree on keeping it casual and make it clear to each other that they don’t want a serious relationship with each other. Yet often these affairs last much longer than both partners would have ever expected. We all hear about the affairs that married people have that last longer than their marriage or even multiples marriages. Stories about politicians and celebrities having affairs on a side with the same person for many years, while marrying, divorcing and re-marrying with their official partners are nothing new. What starts as a lust based adventures can grow into more as people spend more time with each other and develop feelings for each other, realize that their attraction toward each there goes beyond sex.
Just because you decided that you want to keep it casual doesn’t mean that will stay casual, and it certainly doesn’t mean that the other person will not develop feelings for you. I very well remember meeting this surprisingly youthful 41 year-old, when I was barely 22. It was exciting for me to start seeing someone so much older and with so much more life experience. I really wanted to make it clear to her that I wasn’t looking for anything serious, as I really wanted to avoid hurting her feelings. She assured me by telling me “Don’t worry about me. I understand and I will be fine. We will keep it casual and you have nothing to worry about.” Yet six months later, when I met someone else and I was ready to move on, it was very clear to me that I did hurt her feelings.
You just can’t know for sure how you are going to feel about something or someone until the event in question actually takes place, unless you have experienced the exact same situation before, and you made a mental note of how it affected you emotionally. Keeping this in mind should help you not assume too much about what you want and what you don’t want before you experience it, and make better and more informed choices in love and dating.
