As I point out in my videos, articles, and audio programs, analyzing the process of dating can kill or at least significantly chill romantic tension faster than anything else. Therefore, seemingly harmless statements or questions that inquire into the dating process on a first date will likely send you into a friends zone quickly and irreversibly.
Here is one “classic” example of a question that can send your (first) date in a wrong direction: suppose you met someone online, you have been chatting for a while online, exchanged a few e-mails, you spoke on the phone and now … you are going out on your first date. Then, at some point during that date, the “So, do you do this often?” question pops out. From there, the conversation goes into discussing prior dating experiences on the internet, the site, online dating in general, what and who you like and dislike and why, and generally mutually complaining about the dating process. While you might think that this type of conversation makes you bond on a more personal level, it doesn’t, and generally this type of question is a bad idea. Why? Simply because that’s what friends are usually talking about; not lovers or potential loves. That’s what girlfriends discuss over coffee, and this kind of conversation adds absolutely nothing to developing any kind of attraction or romantic tension. On the contrary – it is very likely to throw you right into the friends zone. It’s almost as bad as kissing for the first time and then telling the other person immediately after “Wow, I really like how you move your tongue behind my teeth.” Certain things are just better off not to be said…ever or at least for a while – until the attraction and the mutual interest are already established.
And if you are asked on your first date if you do this often, the best response is saying something sarcastic and playful and moving onto the next topic as soon as possible – “Hmmm… about every other day or so…” or “Only on Tuesdays and Thursday” For maximum effect, make it look like you are 100% serious.
