Fear of Commitment and How to Make Him Want to Commit

fear of commitmentFear of commitment is one of the more common and frustrating issues that women deal with when meeting guys and trying to find that special someone who will be dating them exclusive and with whom she will hopefully be able to work toward a serious, long-term relationship.  Many women are worried that the guy they have been dating and would like to see themselves in the future with will not want to make that next step toward a committed relationship.

It seems like there is this “conflict of interest” between the¬†sexes. ¬†At least some men are looking to avoid commitment for as long as possible so that hey can “play the field” and keep their options open for as long as possible, especially if they know that they have options. The term “fear of commitment” is therefore a misnomer. Men who are unwilling to commit are not afraid of commitment. They just refuse to give up on something that they have been enjoying ¬†– the freedom to do and date whoever they want and whenever they want. ¬†Most women, on the other hand, have the opposite goal. They want to find one special guy who is worthy of dating exclusively, and who will in turn be willing to commit as well.

Having said that, most guys seem to reach a stage in their lives when they are ready and willing to “settle” and be in a relationship. Chasing women gets old and meaningless sooner or later even for the biggest players out there, and they too start looking for a more meaningful connection with just one woman. This doesn’t mean they are going to be faithful, but they will be looking for a long term relationship, where they can enjoy caring for a woman and being cared for.

If you are concerned about whether the guy you have been dating will commit to you, you need to understand that

there is only one reason why a guy would want to commit to you, and it’s extremely simple:¬†

As I point out in ¬†dealing with and overcoming¬†jealousy, only one factor would make a guy want to commit to a specific woman – it¬†is his desire to be in a committed relationship with that¬†particular woman – with you. This means that you cannot and should not be forcing any guy to commit to you. If he is “afraid of” or not ready for a commitment for whatever reason, there is not much you can or should be doing to change that. Only he can… if he wants to. ¬†Of course, there is nothing wrong with talking about you future plans together after you have been dating for a while (and certainly more than a month or two) and hinting in so many ways that you are looking for more than having dinner and sex every now and then, but you should never be in a situation where you impose an ultimatum on a guy of “I want an engagement ring by the end of the year or we are over.” In as much as I could understand why you would not want to waste another year or two on getting to know someone if it doesn’t lead to engagement, marriage, family, etc… pressuring the guy you have been seeing into a formal commitment isn’t the way to make your goals come true sooner. ¬†It will either push the guy away immediately, or – ¬†he will surrender to the pressure out of fear of losing you. However, later he will start resenting himself and you for forcing him to commit when he didn’t really want to, which would lead to fighting, break-up or divorce. Also, how unromantic is it, to put it mildly, to twist a guy’s arms into committing to you.

The best way to make a guy, who is ready for a committed relationship, to want to commit to you is by being or continuing to be the kind of attractive, interesting, exceptional woman who stands out from the rest, and who comes across as a rare kind, making that guy think: “Wow, she is an incredible woman. I am unlikely to meet someone like her any time soon as I haven’t met many women like her before. She might just be the one.”¬† ¬† – There are many ways to become more attractive, whether it’s being in a better physical shape, working on your emotional issues, such as jealousy, temper, excessive talkativeness, style, dress, etc…

Few women bother to take a long, hard look at themselves or seek a candid feedback from others on how they come across, and what they can do to become that special woman who a great guy would want to date and eventually commit. However, it really is worth the effort to figure out how you can improve yourself on the inside and on the outside to make yourself more attractive and desirable. Once you learn how to stand out and become that rare woman, your superiority as a relationship partner will be evident to the right guy – to the guy who has what it takes to appreciate what makes you special and what makes you better than other women. You might not be able to change certain things about how you look, but unless you are extremely unattractive physically, there are a lot of other things you can do to make yourself a more attractive desirable woman and a relationship partner. Becoming that great woman is not a guarantee to getting a guy to commit to you, but it will surely increase your chances of finding that committed relationship.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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11 years ago

This is an excellent article. Thank you so much. I have been dating this great guy for two years now, and when i brought up the issue of us settling down; he said that he is not ready yet.

I was upset at first because i don't believe in dating someone for too long. Well from my experience couples who date for a long time don't end up together. But now i get it, no ultimatums to a guy and no forcing him to make a commitment. I should instead concentrate on making myself as best as i can and this is what he will notice.