Every now and then I meet a guy or a woman who says that they are ready to completely give up on dating and relationships, and that meeting people and going out on dates is simply not worth the effort. Ironically, this happens more to the more attractive women than anyone else, and the reason is usually the same – they have more experiences meeting and dating, and their multiple, disappointing relationships lead to all kinds of emotional issues and a total dating frustration in general. Because the very attractive women get more attention from men, are asked out more often and end up dating different guys more often, they also have more negative experiences with men. Surely, if you lost someone you were really in love with, even one break up can feel like life has betrayed you and there is no point in trying to meet someone special again, as it will lead to terrible pain again.
It is particularly easy to get discouraged if you are being dumped time after time, and if you are feeling like you are wasting time when you invest effort and emotion into one person after another, but it does not lead to a a meaningful connection and a committed relationship. However, it is critical that you do not give in to your negative past and don’t become a victim of your previous dating disappointments. Giving up on dating and love is simply not productive. It’s obviously not going to make your life any better. And let’s be honest – can you really completely give up hope on finding that special chemistry? You might tell others and yourself that you have given up, but let’s be honest: as long as we are alive and healthy and vital enough to think and want love, romance and sex, we can never give up. Tell yourself and others that you have given up on dating is nothing but a self defense mechanism against continuing to date and hope for better and an attempt to justify not taking any action to improve your dating life and relationships. There are, however, a few practical steps that you can take to avoid this victim mindset or to snap out of it, if that’s where you are now:
1. Realize and Accept that Finding Love, Connection and Chemistry Takes Time and Patience
One of the most important things that a person can do in order to avoid that mindset of giving up on dating is not expecting love and romance to come too easy into their lives. For many people it takes many relationships and many years to find “the one”, and obviously not everyone even eventually finds it. It’s important to recognize that the probability of meeting someone very special to you, to whom you also might turn out to be special is pretty low. It’s not a bad thing or a good thing – it’s just a normal part of life. The fact that some people turned out to marry their first and only or a high school sweetheart is wonderful, but you can’t measure yourself that way and compare yourself to them. They are not the rule but the exception – a rare exception. Everyone has their own path, their own circumstances, their own goals and preferences when it comes to dating and relationships.
2. Learn How to Truly Enjoy The Process of Dating Without Being Attached to the Outcome So Much
No, this doesn’t mean that you have to go out with any random person or you have to sleep around with whoever, or that you shouldn’t care about the outcome of your interactions. It also doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be planning for your future, or that you should not be expecting commitment. You should do all of the above. But in addition, you should also enjoy every date you go out on as a learning experience at the very least, and if things don’t work out, you will accept it a normal part of the process.
When you go to the shoe store, even the most high-end shoe store, you might spend an hour or longer trying different shoes, and out of thirty pairs, you might only like one pair, or even none. You are tired of trying different shoes that don’t fit or don’t look right to you, but you also enjoyed the experience of going through different shoes, seeing what’s out there, and eventually finding the right pair. I realize that dating and shoe shopping are not the same, but there are similarities, and if you can look at dating at least a little bit more like shoe shopping and try to enjoy the process of learning more about other people and also about yourself – what you like, what you don’t like, what turns you on and what annoys you in people, etc., you are much more likely to not be frustrated with dating and to not think of giving up. After all, when you give up on dating – you give up on yourself only, and it’s hardly ever worth doing.