How to Avoid Wasting Time When You Meet Her Online

online dating boring dateHere is a common scenario that many guys who try to meet women on the online dating sites experience: they contact a girl, exchange a few e-mails, and then ask her for her phone number. At that point, she might say that she doesn’t feel comfortable giving out her phone number because “there are so many weirdos out there”, and because she had so many bad experiences having guys who she isn’t interested in, calling her over and over. She therefore suggests that you continue getting to know each other by e-mail.

Of course like any other minimally “alpha” guy, you don’t agree to that and in response, you explain to her that while you understand her concerns and respect her need for privacy and safety, you also know that getting to know someone by e-mail is not that great, to put it mildly. You also remind to her that even a thousand e-mail messages back and forth are not going to change the fact that you are still going to be¬†strangers and that you can still be a weirdo to her when you meet her (and so can she). You then say that you would much rather ¬†get to know her by hearing her voice or even better –¬†in person. Recognizing that you are making a good and logically undeniable point, she suggests that you meet in person.

This is the time when you need¬†to make sure that your first meeting is something very short and casual, like coffee. You should absolutely not agree to have dinner¬†the first time you meet¬†a girl who you never spoke on the phone with. This is because you really don’t know anything about her and you don’t¬†even know if you would be able to carry a normal conversation with each other. Because you don’t have that connection yet , that you could have¬†established talking on the phone once or twice, you want to have an option¬†of a quick exit if you don’t like her (or of it’s clear that she doesn’t like you). You don’t want to be in a situation where you feel like you wasted the entire evening (and more money than you wished) with someone you shouldn’t have gone out in a first place.¬†Therefore, there is absolutely no reason to¬†commit to an elaborate 2-hour¬†or longer dining in that situation.

And, of course, if you do like each other when you meet without ever talking on the phone, you always have the option to do something together after coffee, or meet again. In other words, there are simply no downsides to having a very short date with someone you met online and never spoke with before.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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student and teacher
student and teacher
8 years ago

i agree a cafe is the best place to meet up if you don't know each other. it's quick, easy, accessible, safe, public and free of distraction. And you don't have to stay for more than an hour either.

it's very important to make a great first impression with your first few message and your profile. and that you get her number or meet up soon. otherwise, 20 other guys will message her, she'll reply to 5 of them, and you'll be long buried in that large list of emails.

if the conversation on the dating site is interesting enough, she may even hint to the fact that she wants you to call her, which has happened to me a few times.