Being Loud and Obnoxious Doesn’t Make You Attractive to Guys

sheryl sandberg loud obnoxious voiceI am sitting at a small Starbucks store on a rainy Saturday afternoon. It’s quiet inside. Everyone seems to be reading or working on their computer. An attractive, feminine looking, stylish Asian woman in her early to mid thirties walks in and sits down. Based on her appearance I can’t help but conclude that she is probably sweet and soft-spoken. A few minutes later two of her friends come in, and as soon as she greets them and starts talking, I cringe. I look around, and everyone else stopped doing what they were doing and looked up at her. Her voice is way too loud considering the environment. It’s way too business-like and way too forceful.  She sounded like she wanted everyone to hear her business. Although others tried to hide their annoyance with her behavior, you could tell that pretty much everyone was subtly rolling their eyes at her.

Being loud and being louder than everyone else in the room is not flattering to you. It might draw an attention to you, but it’s not the kind of attention you want. Any “experienced” guy will perceive you being unusually loud as a sign of attention whoring and desperation, and will either be completely turned off by it or will assume that you are an easy pick-up/sex target. In both cases, you lose.

Many business books out there suggest that being soft spoken is a sign of weakness, while being loud and outspoken is a sign of confidence, ambition and independence. It might be true when it comes to certain business situations, but when it comes to how you appear to men, a softer voice is one of the most powerful ways you have to come across a more feminine and more attractive woman. Men are turned on by softer and more sensual voices and not only in bed but way before, and as early as they talk to you for the very first time. They say first impression are everything. A softer voice is certainly one way to make the right first impression on the guy you are trying to flirt with and get him to ask you out.

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About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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StarsCollide
StarsCollide
5 years ago

Soft spoken is a sign of weakness? I hate to say it, but I notice it also and the majority agree on this… and it kind of saddens me.
I read a perfect quote for this a month ago: “The loudest one in the room, Is the weakest one in the room”. Everyone has their flaws; nobody is perfect, but being loud doesn’t compensate to being confident as what majority thinks.

practicalh
5 years ago
Reply to  StarsCollide

Love the quote!! One famous writer said that a woman’s greatest strength is in her weakness/softness. I find it to be true over and over. What makes women attractive to men are the qualities that distinguish them from men; not the ones that make them similar to men. Soft voice is sexier and more sensual to most men.

StarsCollide
StarsCollide
5 years ago
Reply to  practicalh

Soft voice is sexier and sensual to most men? Why do I have the feeling a woman should be loud to be heard by men. Is it unusual? It is rare these days? Or are some men really not into women who is sensual?

J.a. Ct
J.a. Ct
5 years ago
Reply to  StarsCollide

Think about it this way Star. What will grab your attention more? A man who says “I love you” in a regular tone or a man who says it in a softer tone? The loudness is possibly more of a function of de-feminization in the work place or feeling of not being heard or understood. There are probably men who are not into sensuality. Think DD stage 1 men.

StarsCollide
StarsCollide
5 years ago
Reply to  J.a. Ct

It’s you!

I have the feeling it is a DD Stage 1 men.

StarsCollide
StarsCollide
5 years ago
Reply to  practicalh

Who is that writer you were talking about?

practicalh
5 years ago
Reply to  StarsCollide

It appears that Rafael Sabatini stated it in one of his works, but I am not sure if that is his saying originally.

StarsCollide
StarsCollide
5 years ago
Reply to  practicalh

Never heard of him. I’ve read about the strength of a woman’s vulnerability from a few Femininity blogs online and also from Renee Wade. It is a delight to read them. It brings a smile on my face.

practicalh
5 years ago
Reply to  StarsCollide

Renee Wade is great. I have been following her for a while. I wish more women listened to her words of wisdom. Her newsletter can be quite long but they are usually worth reading.

StarsCollide
StarsCollide
5 years ago
Reply to  practicalh

I do wish women would listen to her wisdom because being vulnerable is scary to us women. It is opening our heart “without protection” and experience also the negative emotions, which is why we are here on this earth because if we don’t have negative and positive memories, we won’t appreciate what we have.

Omg! How easy it is to be said than done! And I am still learning.

practicalh
5 years ago
Reply to  StarsCollide

Yes, much easier said than done, especially when the idea of being strong, independent, etc., has been marketed so aggressively – it’s hard to avoid being influenced by it, and too many women take it to an extreme.

StarsCollide
StarsCollide
5 years ago
Reply to  practicalh

Take it to the extreme like putting up walls, act and talk tough like men and be aggressive — that’s what masculine men do, not women. Just because women do what men do, it does not mean women have safely protected our heart.

J.a. Ct
J.a. Ct
6 years ago

I dined at a fine dining restaurant last weekend. There was a large party who sat at one table of eight parties within the particular section. I heard this party’s conversation clearly through my four courses. A member of my party immediately apologized to my European guests as said table sung “Happy Birthday” loudly. This behavior reflects poorly on the person(s). Well spoken people speak with soft eloquence. They are masters of saying much with so little words.

practicalh
6 years ago
Reply to  J.a. Ct

Couldn’t agree more. When it comes to restaurants, loud customers are particular annoying at the quieter, more intimate venues. It’s like they are almost screaming in desperation “listen to me, look at me, and pay attention to me, because no one else does.”

pron
pron
7 years ago

probably drugs involved