One of the biggest issues in today’s dating world is low effort… everything. From low effort dating profiles, to low efforts messages, responses, low effort dates, and uninspiring post first-date communication. There appears to be an aura of lack of excitement about the whole process among way too many people. This is as sad as it is alarming.
However, instead of convincing people to put more effort when they don’t really feel like it, it would be useful to first try to understand why people put so little effort into the whole process. After all, what good would it do if a well fed person jumped on a buffet as if he was super hungry, just to pretend that he is hungry?
What changed? What made people go from pursuing someone and obsessing over them as recently as 15–20 years ago, to hardly caring about anyone and anything today? Why isn’t anyone making eye contact with those around them anymore? I believe that the biggest reason for this is the illusion of having infinite choices when it comes to potential partners and as a result -not having any real appreciation for any of potential partners. Meeting someone new used to be a big deal. It required presenting yourself in person the right way. Nothing happend without confidence, wit, ability to make a conversation in an awkward moment, and “closing” by exchanging contact information. And, of course, you had to be in the right place at the right time. This was an exeleriating, often euphoric experience that created so much anticipation.
Today, meeting someone new after having “matched” with dozens of people online all too often means nothing, especially after having gone on many pointless, chemistry free dates. And, the more times people are disappointed, the more unexcited they become about the prospects of finding love. This, of course, translated into overall behavior of hopelessness.
We are not meant to be meeting and talking to so many random people. We are not supposed to be going on so many dates with so many different people. Meeting random people was never this easy. This new lifestyle created this new low-effort behavior. I am not sure who can change this and how, since clearly dating apps aren’t going anywhere. However, this issue is certainly worth thinking about for anyone who is single and who doesn’t want to settle for bland, adrenaline-free love life.