The concept of “flirting” receives a lot of attention in the world of dating and seduction advice. Surely, no one disputes the fact that flirting is an essential component of building attraction and taking your interaction with a woman to the physical, intimate level and avoiding the frustrating friends zone situation. However, few, if any, sources of dating advice bother to define what “flirting” really means and exactly how to flirt in order to meet and attract women. The concept of flirting is not hard to grasp but understanding what flirting actually means is essential to your ability to do just that – to flirt with women.
So, what is flirting and how to flirt with women and not just talk to them like you would with any other person who you are not interested in romantically? The most important fact you must realize and remember about flirting is that what distinguishes it from an ordinary, plain conversation is not what you talk about with a woman but how you talk. Indeed, you can flirt with a woman while talking just about anything! The subject matter of your conversation is not important at all! You can flirt with a woman while talking about anything from pop culture, movies and books, to math, astronomy or next life. What makes your conversation flirting is your demeanor, your behavior, voice and the overtone of your conversation. Playful attitude, relaxed posture where your express your feeling of physical comfort with the woman, your physical proximity to a woman while talking to her, your body language, teasing, joking, being sarcastic while maintaining a prolonged eye contact and giving a woman an occasional smirk is what turns a plain conversation into flirting.
In order to even better understand the difference between regular conversation and flirting, let’s think about how the completely opposite, flirt-free interaction between people is different from that conversation in which two people flirt – I am talking about a job interview. First and foremost, your body language will be radically different at a job interview. You will be sitting straight up and will make sure not to make an impression that you are too comfortable because that might come across as arrogance to your prospective employer. You will also be sitting at a greater distance from the person who interviews you than you would when you talk to a woman. For obvious reasons your conversation will be teasing and sarcasm-free, and the humor in that conversation will not go far beyond one or two very innocent, plain and commonly accepted remarks. Certainly, your face during that kind of formal meeting must be free of any smirks that would suggest that you are enjoying yourself too much and that you are feeling very comfortable and confident in what is going on. On the other hand, when you are on a date, being stiff and excessively formal might just be the biggest turn-off to a woman, who will in most cases perceive this as lack of “chemistry.”
Keeping the above differences in mind between plain, formal conversation and flirting will surely help you become better at flirting and attracting women, because once you know what flirting means, you should be able to consciously improve your flirting skills, which is a relatively easy but also a very enjoyable venture. And remember, flirting is first and foremost in how you act and what you do and say.
Right now, I’m talking to this girl I really like…I like her more than anything, don’t know why…I think she wants to fuck me…but I’m over twenty years older…as old as her mother. That bugs me…I’ll feel guilty. Should I ? Most guys wouldn’t think twice…I don’t get it with her. I just don’t want to ruin it with her completely if she gets pissed or feels uncomfortable only cuz of the age difference. Hugh Hefner doesn’t care and neither do the women…but I ain’t no Hugh Hefner…but I can pound her way better than her boyfriends…the boys. LOL
…I seriously don’t think she’s even been sucked off in her young life yet…by the looks of her boyfriend. One of them two stroke kids. Insert, pull-out…repeat if necessary.
I have noticed I tend to do this naturally by just being me since I like to make people laugh and smile, my situation is more the confindence of inviting them for a "date" rather than anything else.
Well, of course the first part of it is not calling it a date but simply inviting that other person to meet or do something together.
I am very happy that I get to know about this website. This website has been very useful to me for personal development. I can now realize that we are funny by nature and we just have to realize it. I have purchased your programs such as powerful confidence, communication and conversation. I found confidence and conversation as very useful programs.
Recently, I have been chatting to a girl who understands flirts properly and is interesting too. I also helps her sister by writing papers for her sister for a price.
I used to have some very good communication to this girl on facebook chat and we really do enjoy those moments of chatting.
The problem is I don't have a proper voice tone plus I am not good at english( speaking). So, I avoids calling her. But recently she called me twice for professional reasons and I sounded like a professional to her which I think is a turn off. I think I have to show my flirty nature in phone conversations too for which I need a nice tone and delivery.
Arkady, you have any solution for this? I will really appreciate if you can reply and help me. Also, I am ready to buy another program if you can make one for effective voice tone and delivery skills.
JACP. I think flirting right away is a very good thing to do, if it comes naturally. If you really find the girl cute and would love to get to know her, you can ask a simple question but in a flirtations joking way. The biggest problem I think is that we’ve been so conditioned by our society not to act in a sexual way. that really sucks, and it might take a while to recondition ourselves. I’d say be creative, let go of your breaks and enjoy the ride 🙂
I had the same exact question as Reserpino. I see I'm not the only one with the question of is flirting appropriate during the first stage of interaction with the girl. So for example, let's say you see a girl in Walmart or a food market, would flirting be appropriate intially? Giving her signs through eye contact, a smile, saying hello, ect. Or should you just approach, make her feel comfortable, and express my interest while at the same time flirting and letting her get of feel for my playful side? I don't mean to be redundant but I thought by giving an example maybe you could give a more specific answer based on a situation.
Thanks for your immediate reply 😀
Yes, probably confidence and avoiding the "lets just be friends" behaviours are the only stable positive things.
I am searching for a special formula that is impossible to find. You are right: there are a lot of variables.
The reason why I wish I find this formula is that I wouldn't like to complete my study about seduction with the same statement I have started with:
"Women, attraction and love are impossible to understand."
Hey, there.
The key words is "depends on a woman." There is just no rule as some women like guys who take charge and are flattered by aggression while others prefer a slower and a more subtle approach. There are just so many factors that determine this. From a woman's age to her character, personality, past experience with men, her own confidence, where she is in life, how attracted she is physically to the guy and many other factors. The key is recognizing what kind of woman you are dealing with and acting accordingly.
Hello Arkady.
I have read a lot of books about seduction, and a lot of dating advices from the net.
Now I have an idea about how the first stage of interaction with a woman should be. I would like to know if you agree.
In the first stage of the interaction a man should establish comfort with the girl: he should be confident, funny, a little interested, but he shouldn't be too much flirtarious, he should be sociable as a friend, a friend with only a little amount of flirting vibe.
Do you agree?
Now I would like to know if you agree with the following sentence too:
the more solid is the barrier the girl has about us and the more she hates to be approached (maybe she is snob), the less flirtarious should the first stage be.
In general: what'is, in your opinion, the grade of sexual interest a man should show at the beginning? Surely it depends on the girl. But usually?