Nope, it’s not because you work too much and are too busy to meet new people, or because you are too picky when it comes to guys. Everyone has a job, and everyone has their own standards and preferences. And, it’s not because there are not enough single guys in your area either. There are plenty of single men, no matter where you leave (and if there really aren’t, then it’s time to move).
The real reason that your dating life is dismal is because you didn’t make your love life a priority.
This explanation sounds deceptively simple, but it’s so much broader than it might at first appear to be. Think about it – whatever you really want to do, you find the time to do it. Whether it’s yoga or personal training, book clubs, happy hours with friends, weekend hiking trips – if you really want it, you will make it happen, no matter how overwhelmed you are with work, school, or whatever else.
But, when it comes to your dating life, you simply don’t invest enough through, attention and real effort into it. You can’t expect meeting great guys, if you put no effort whatsoever into making yourself more approachable and more available in your daily life. One of the parts in What You Wish You Knew About Men that I found to be most valuable is where the author talks about women avoiding any kind of eye contact and do whatever else they can to look as unapproachable as possible, effectively rejecting the men around them without actually rejecting them. Even though the book has been written about 8 years ago, it’s even more relevant today than back then, since people have all the more reasons to not look at each other because of their i-pads, smartphones, e-readers, etc.
If you, my fellow female reader, put no effort into radiating the kind of energy that will make men want to come up to you, you dramatically reduce your potential dating pool today to Match, Tinder and occasional questionable interactions with intoxicated men in bars, leaving out all the far more attractive and more eligible men you could be easily meeting during lunch or in cafes after work or over the weekend or even in grocery stores, as cliche as it might sound, by simply looking a little more friendly and more interested – not in one specific guy, but in being approached in general. Speaking of grocery stores – every romantic movie that shows a situation where a girl gets hit on by a guy at a grocery store is usually realistic and something that should be happening to us, women, more often. The main difference, however, that prevents this type of store isle flirting is our behavior – not the men’s behavior. The last few times I walked into a grocery store and observed the women there, I couldn’t imagine talking to them if I were a guy either.
One of the most common complaints about women that I hear from my single male friends is that women are extremely flaky. But again, this comes down to the same fundamental issue – a woman who doesn’t care enough about her dating life, i.e. who doesn’t make it one of her priority in life, is more likely to cancel a date, because…she just doesn’t care enough.
The great news is that once you change your attitude, which is not very hard, and you become a little more friendly, blessing the men around you who you find attractive with a smile and a slightly longer eye contact, the results will follow immediately, and you will not only be meeting more but far better men. Of course, you need to actually want it before you make it happen.
I consider myself a feminist in a sense that I believe in equality of rights and opportunities for men and women (not necessary that men and women are the same type of creatures). I am really hopeful to see that the feminist movement will translate not only into working ourselves to death and making as much money as men do, but also into taking our love life into our own hands, by creating more and better opportunities to meet men on our own, instead of waiting for the “bottom feeders” to wink at us online or spill a drink on us at a bar.