Chemistry – we all use this word, and we think we know when we have it with someone, even if we have difficulty defining it. There are also sure signs when you don’t have chemistry with the girl you met and have being going out with. Recognizing these signs will help you avoid wasting time and emotional energy on interactions that will most likely go nowhere.
Imagine, you meet a girl and go out with her on a few dates. One time you take her out for coffee or a drink, then for a walk in the park, then to dinner and/or movie. You like her but you are not totally crazy about her, or at least not yet. You are not clear how she feels about you either. She seems to be returning your phone calls and be willing to go out with you, but she doesn’t seem to be really into you to the extent that you could tell that she likes you. You are planning your next date. You want to be unique and different from other guys, and therefore you want to do something different on your next date. It seems to you that after coffee, a drink, dinner, movie and a walk in the park you are running out of options. What should you do? Where should you go on your 3rd or 4th date?
The mere fact that you are asking yourself those questions and that you have difficult figuring out what to do on your next day is a strong sign that you really aren’t that much into each other and you don’t have that kind of chemistry that the two people who started dating should have in order to be romantically involved. This is because if you liked each other enough (and if you don’t by now, you probably won’t at any time in the future either), then your next destination would not be an issue. You would be perfectly comfortable doing something “boring” such as sitting on the couch and watching a movie, and having ice-cream and popcorn, even if it means doing it for the 3rd time in a row. And if you are physically attracted to each other (as you should be) then being on the couch should be anything but boring.
As a guy, when you catch yourself struggling to plan your next date, you should ask yourself – is it choosing where to go on your date that you have a difficulty with, or is there a deeper issue there? – Is it possible that the problem is that you are bored when you are with her? Or are you concerned that she is bored when she is out with you, and you are therefore looking for an activity that would protect either of you or both of you from being bored during your next date? Or, do you feel that you need to impress her with an exciting, one-of-a-kind date in order to get her to like you?
If you are asking yourself these questions, this probably means that it’s time to move on, because you just don’t have what you should have – you just don’t have that chemistry that is essential to enjoy dating and potentially fall in love with each other.
i agree. if two people are attracted to each other, the location or activity doesn't matter a lot.
there should be some clear indication of chemistry by the end of the third date though. if not, and it's as you described, then it's always a good friend thing, if thats what you want.
i've heard (from my female friends) of some cases in third dates, especially nearby the end, where people are sick and tired of the awkward boring courtship routine, that one them takes a risk and really opens up who they truly are deep inside and it leads to a really engaging conversation that draws them together.
Great article, AI!