On Being Aggressive with Women the Right Way

Being “aggressive” with women is an interesting concept as it’s one of those few qualities to which women may refer in a positive or a negative way, depending upon the ways in which a particular guy is being aggressive toward them. It is therefore important to be aggressive the right way and avoid being aggressive in a way which will be unattractive to a woman and will push her away. Here are a three basic rules that you should follow in order to know how and when to be aggressive with women the right way:

1. The right way to be aggressive is a gradual way. It’s probably not a good idea to go from walking next to a girl and being a few feet away from her to sticking your tongue down her throat. There are lots of small steps in between that can and should be taken in order to create romantic tension and anticipation that both of you should enjoy. Unless it’s clear that a woman wants you to “proceed” toward getting close to her as soon as possible, becoming more aggressive gradually will likely make a woman feel more comfortable, more open and thus more aggressive herself with you in all the great ways.

2. Know which women you can be aggressive with. I am not a big fan of stereotype or classifying people in general and women in particular into different categories. But generally, when it comes to men being aggressive, women can be divided into two categories: (a) the traditional women who were raised to believe in at least some of the gender roles; and (b) the more modern, “independent,” liberated women who believe in abandoning gender roles.

The traditional women often not only expect a guy to be aggressive and to take charge in and outside of bed, but this is an essential male quality from their perspective, the absence of which might just be a deal breaker. From being the first to call them most of the time, asking them out, and deciding where to go, what to order at a restaurant and at what pace to move forward in a relationship, they expect the guy to make those and many other decisions. They enjoy seeing this ability in the partner and might find it even sexually attractive. Those are the women who like a guy to be rough with them in bed – from pulling their hair, to pushing them against the wall, etc…

The modern women, on the other hand, prefer a guy to be more gentle, more politically correct and to allow those women to assert and exercise their independence, and make their own decisions. Those women often like to be leaders themselves and might challenge a guy who is trying to lead, feeling that the kind of guy a traditional woman would like is a control freak. These are the women who often have a lower sex drive or the kind of sex drive that takes a longer and more careful courtship to awaken. If you are naturally an aggressive guy, you are not going to get along with that kind of a woman for long, unless she is so special to you that you are willing to modify your behavior and stick to a different dynamic in your interaction with her.

3. Pay more attention to a woman’s actions rather than her words. How many time have I heard from the “traditional” type of a woman that some guy quit making moves on her because she said “no” acknowledging that this wasn’t a real “no” but rather “not today” or “not right now.” Just because a woman says that she is not going to have sex with you and/or she is just looking to be friends, doesn’t mean that this is really true. More often than not, it’s just a “self defense” mechanism through which she is trying to convince herself that she shouldn’t get intimate with you too soon. Being aggressive the right way is not taking those and similar statements literally, but instead judging a woman’s behavior by her actions.  How many times have you heard a woman say that she is not looking for a relationship or anything serious to end up getting involved with you or some other guy shortly after? Few, if any, of us know ourselves well enough in order to make such judgments about what we want and what we don’t want, so take those kinds of comments with a grain of salt and more importantly – skepticism.

I hope the above basic rules will help you be aggressive the right way and at the right time with women in your life. If you believe there are other important factors that should be included in this list, please post a comment and I will consider revising this article and adding your suggest point.