Practical Tips For Fighting With A Girlfriend

fighting with a girlfriendOne of the very attractive ways in which a man can show his confidence and strong sense of self in a relationship is to remain calm and not allow himself to be emotionally destabilized easily when arguing or fighting with a girlfriend. Some guys make the mistake of trying to match their female partners’ emotion. If she gets angry, he gets just as angry. If she starts screaming during an argument, he starts yelling back at her just as loudly. If she starts cussing and resorting to the “below the belt” comments, he feels the need to retaliate and do the same to her. As we all know, all this does is escalates the conflict and makes things worse. What many guys don’t realize that this kind of behavior also makes them come across as less “masculine, less stable and weaker. In a sense, this kind of behavior is inherently more feminine, and women know that. As such, they expect from guys to be less emotional and less dramatic during the arguments. They expect men to calm things down rather than escalate the argument or the fight even further.

As a man, you need to remember about how important it is to be the “bigger man” in such situations and not allow yourself to act like a girl would, when fighting with a girlfriend. Your job as a male is to bring stability or at least reduce instability from the situation and try to calm things down, encouraging your partner to rationally discuss whatever the subject of fighting is, thereby elevating your communication, rather than allowing it to decline to the verbal gutter.

This does not mean that you should be fake or suppress your emotions, or withdraw and ignore your partner, or cover your anger with a smile. You should definitely let your partner know how you feel, but do it in a way that will not be insulting to her, even if she has insulted you. You might just be surprised as to how much bigger it will make you look in her eyes later.

I am well aware of the fact that this is easier said than done, and sometimes no matter how well we understand what we need to do, we are lead by our emotions and we can’t help but get angry back at our partner. Sometimes, it’s ok to do that. Sometimes, it is even healthy to speak out your mind freely, instead of keeping that stuff inside and allowing resentment to build up needlessly. But, reserve that kind of reaction for “special” occasions, and put conscious effort into acting like a “man” during the trivial arguments with your dating partner, your girlfriend or your wife. It is not going to be easy at all. If you have snapped before, you will snap in the future, and that’s quite normal, but trying to not react impulsively in the above situations can be an interesting and a very worthwhile challenge, that will take you a long way toward being and appearing as a stronger and a more confident guy.

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03/02/2016 7:07 pm

I like men who are solid as a rock.

Alessandro Rossi
Alessandro Rossi
02/08/2012 8:25 am

Tank you for the reply.

I hold Arkady in high esteem.

She was very in love with me, till the point of believing I was the sexiest, the best man in the world. I was a sort of hero for her: she told me she wanted to live with me for the entire life, that she had never met a person like me.

Yes, I gave her a lot of attentions, but they were well balanced, she was the first to tell me "I love you" and I received a lot of gifts and love from her.

I don't know if Americans say "I love you" more easily than Italians, however she was very happy about us and she also wrote I was the first one to give her the idea of an ethernal love. She really believed in our distant relationship, and, because of this, she was very present in my life (virtually): every day was full of messages (we reached a total of 5000 messages!)

The strange thing is that, just a month ago, she was so excited, to the point that a friend of her contacted me for saying "she loves you".

However, even though she continued expressing genuine feelings, something was changing: for example, she started to find differences between us and problems that didn't exist before. At the end, after a little quarrel where she expressed to be in love with me but also tired of written messages, she clearly wrote her feelings had changed and that she was considering other opportunities. I felt very bad: I had the impression everything happened in a few days (probably it's just an impression: since love is not an ON/OFF feeling, receiving a sincere love message just a few days before the end of the relationship could be natural and possible, I don't know).

My final opinion is that she couldn't tolerate distance… Yes, she tried hard for us to work together, because I was important for her, but maybe someone new appeared in her life. And, since he was a real man, a person she could interact with in the flesh, he had the power to destroy something that was weak because of distance.

I want to live my normal life now, but I am wondering: if the end was due to distance, could this loss-of-love be apparent?

Consider that this girl, an year ago, told me she felt guilty about thinking of me very intensely when she had a boyfriend (and we had met just once and for a few hours at the time of this revelation).

Alessandro Rossi
Alessandro Rossi
02/07/2012 6:49 am

Dear Arkady,

when a person that you are in a relationship with says "I do not have the feelings I had before", can it be a reversible process?

I first met an American girl online. We immediately started to like each other and our virtual messaging lasted for a pair of yars. After these two years, we met in the flesh (4 days in Sorrento), and it was the best dream of our lives. She told me she wanted to be mine forever, I loved her, so we decided to continue our distant relationship. She seemed very in love, but time passed and something changed: there weren't important quarrels, but one of these, very simple, caused her tone to change till the sudden interruption of the relationship. She told me her feelings had changed, when only a week before she seemed completely in love. I followed your instructions, I invited her to freely express her feelings, I would listen without judging, but there was nothing to do: she replied she didn't feel a connection with me anymore. How can an intense feeling disappear this way?