Meeting and dating men and finding live in a big city for women is very different from dating in a smaller towns and suburban areas. The fast-paced lifestyle, the higher cost of living, the culture of “I want it now and I want it all”, and all type of competition make it so much harder to find love in a big city than in a more laid back and conservative environment. Here are three major reasons that so many women, who live in a big city, have such a hard time finding love and special connection with a great guy:
1. You Are Not Making Dating or Finding Love A Priority
By nature, humans find the time for the things they want to do no matter how busy they are. Way too many women who live in a big city overbook themselves with all kinds professional and social obligations They push dating to the very bottom of their priorities list. Women do this mostly because they have been brainwashed for the past few decades to believe that being busy makes them more attractive and desirable. While there is some truth to that, many women take this to the extreme and become way too busy with everything else other than making time to flirt, meet, and date the men they find attractive and interesting. Here is one example of such a list. However stereotypical it might look, this type of list of priorities is not exaggerated and all too common among women who live in big cities, at least in the US:
- Work / School
- Spending time with friends.
- Texting / social media.
- Yoga / gym
- Shopping / take care of appearance
- Book club
- Traveling / Volunteering
- Cooking
- Dating
When you make dating your last priority, you should not expect any meaningful results in return. Making dating less important that everything else in your life, will translate into all kinds of typical flaws in your behavior when dealing with the opposite sex. It will make you less available to go out on dates. It will take you all too long to call / text / email men back, because you just don’t care that much and everything else comes first. You will also likely be more flaky due to being overbooked and stretching yourself too thin with everything else you are doing.
2. You Are Not Putting Any Real Effort Into Meeting Men
Lack of effort is just as obvious in the real world as it is in the online dating world. In the real world, lack of effort is apparent when a girl suggests to meet for a “quick” drink after work or have a “lunch” date instead of meeting the guy in the evening and having a “real” date. Showing up to a date in your work-out attire, being late, acting tired on a date, texting during the date, or making it otherwise clear that you are not trying too hard to impress the guy on a first date would send a clear message to him that you are not really excited about him and / or about dating in general. You might have good reasons for not being excited about dating, including having gone on dozens of bad dates recently, being busy and having a lot of unrelated things on your mind, etc., but that kind of attitude will not bring you any closer to meeting and connecting with a great guy, even if you crossed paths with one in any type of situation.
The other aspect of putting no effort into meeting men is making yourself look as unapproachable and unfriendly as humanly possible. Wearing headphones, sunglasses, looking angry and texting non-stop no matter where you are doesn’t exactly encourage men to approach you and flirt with you, which reduces almost to zero any chance of having those exciting encounters with men that you run into in your day-to-day life that should make your life so much more interesting. Somehow, our culture has trained women to think that looking unapproachable makes us look cool and “high value”, and it also keeps the wrong types of guys away. But, does it really? And at what cost? I find it very interesting that some of the “most single” women I know, who are actually very interested in finding love and connection, also happen to be completely unapproachable. Many of them would tell flat out that they would never talk to a guy at a bus, gym or grocery store, because that would be “weird”. Trying to convince them that they are the ones who are missing out on opportunities to meet good men in all of those places rarely changes anything.
When it comes to online dating, many of the women’s dating profiles that I am hired to work on totally puzzle me. Women post selfies, other types of bad pictures, or trashy pictures, and nothing meaningful or interesting in the “about me” section. Yet these same women expect to attract and meet someone very special. Why would a special guy be interested in a woman whose profile suggests that she is whorish or borderline retarded or both? It is also sad that more and more people switch from real online dating sites to swiping apps, that make the communication with prospective dates even more superficial and less likely to lead to any meaningful interaction than it otherwise is. If you don’t put any meaningful effort into your online dating presence – if you don’t post flattering pictures and don’t write something that suggests that you are an interesting person worth meeting, how can you expect to intrigue the right type of men with your profile? The same applies to exchanging messages online. One liners such as “hi”, “how r u?” suggest that you either don’t care, or have the literacy level of a 12 year-old or both. If you graduated from high school, there is no reason why you should not be able to start an online conversation with a few coherent sentences. You should neither communicate this way nor meet any guy who can’t or doesn’t bother to write like a normal, educated adult.
3. You Are Too Jaded And You Can’t Snap Out Of It
If your past dating disappointments in men affect your mindset and perception of men today, this likely prevents you from seeing the good in the men you meet and getting exciting about them. This will necessarily stand in your way of finding love and real connection with a guy, because (a) you are not open to it; and (b) the jaded woman’s energy, that pervasive skepticism that jaded women are known for, will necessarily push men away. It’s hard to maintain a positive mindset and hope in finding love, if you end up getting disappointed in one man after another. However, being optimistic and continuing to believe that there are men out there who are great and who would be interested in developing a meaningful relationship with you is essential to actually meeting them.
The great news is that eliminating the above issues is a totally realistic goal and it shouldn’t take that much time or that much effort, but it surely is worth it, if you are, in fact, looking to find the type of love and relationship that makes life so much more exciting and fulfilling.
This is so laughable. I see women in big cities get dates like NOTHING!!! If a woman can’t date in a big city and she’s reasonably cute (6 and up), she is probably getting in her own way. Flakes on guys after acting interested, does not reply to a guy in online dating for some super arbitrary reason, and makes herself completely unapproachable. It’s GUARANTEED if a cute woman is approachable and available, she will absolutely get dates with guys she likes. It’s just its so, so, so easy to come by that we don’t openly say women have this awesome power just to go out and getting dating experience like nothing. It’s not like she’s gonna send out 100 personalized messages online, or go approach men, get their numbers, and not hear back because the guy has hundreds of women after him and cannot keep up.
Another reason why dating is harder in big cities is because there’s a larger pool. People can reject other people for trivial reasons because they’re able to just go out and date 100 more people.
That’s absolutely one of the major reasons. Some say power corrupts, but having too much choices can also be confusing and corrupting.