So you met a great girl, and it seems that you really liked each other. You had a nice a conversation with her, got her phone number, but… setting up a date with her is a real struggle. She seems to take forever to get back to you. And “forever” might be a few days, but it feels like especially a long time if you really like her and would really like to see her again soon. So, you call her and you don’t hear from her for 2-3 or more days, and then she would call you or text you, and will be unavailable to meet during that week. When you call her again, it takes her a while to get back to you as well and she seems to be constantly unavailable and too busy.
So… is there anything you can or you should do about raising her interest level and making her call you back sooner or making her more available to see you? Generally, there are four possible reasons that a girl would take a long time to get back to you:
(1) She is just not that interested. She gave you her number because she thought she might be interesting in going out with you but that feeling wasn’t very strong, or she just wanted to be polite, or she simple doesn’t mind expanding her social circle, so she gives her number to everyone, as this doesn’t mean much in her eyes.
(2) She is just not very good at getting back to people, and that’s just how she is with everyone, except for when she really needs something. We all know that even the most flaky people return phone calls and text messages very quickly when they need something. Setting up a date with her will be equally difficult for any guy.
(3) She makes herself deliberately unavailable, because she heard that this type of behavior makes men more interested.
(4) Dating is simply not a priority to her, at least right now. Therefore, she doesn’t treat the whole calling, texting, setting up the time to meet and get to know any guy seriously.
It’s quite possible that in any given situation, more than one of the above factors will apply. However, no matter what the reasons are that the girl is not getting back to you promptly, you are probably better off not pursuing her and moving on to other women. Putting too much work in setting up a date is an early sign that future dates will be at least as hard as schedule or harder. If she is not interested, then it goes without saying that trying to get a hold of her and go out with her isn’t going to be of much use. She is just not interested, and this should be a sign that you shouldn’t push it.
If she has communications issues, then dealing with her will be frustrating even if she is interested. She will be not showing up on dates, or canceling on you much more often than you would, and this will bring more pain than joy to you. And, if dating is not something she cares about as much as you do, then you should definitely not be wasting your time on her.
But even if you really like her, and she is also interested in you but is not responding promptly to your calls for some other reason that’s not mentioned above, you still shouldn’t be trying to “expedite” her response time. Any attempt to do that will only make you less attractive to her. If you are a guy who she barely knows, from her point of view you have no right to expect her to call you sooner or to demand anything else from her. And if you do – this will only push her away. The only time when you should be calling a girl on her phone manners, is after you spent enough time together, and when it’s clear to you that she likes you and develops romantic interest in you. At that point, she will likely be better about communicating with you, but if, at that time, you still have that problem, then you can openly talk about it.
It’s also possible that the reason a woman is making setting up a date more difficult than it should be is because she is testing you. She might have had bad experience in her recent past with guys who are too pushy and too eager, and she wants to make sure you aren’t one of them. If so, then not all is lost. This test is easy to pass. Just let her respond whenever she responds, and just go at her pace. One you make it clear that even though you want to see her, you are not in a hurry, the test will be over.
