Reader’s Question: Why Are So Many Women (and Men) Overconfident

(Last Updated On: 12/30/2019)

overconfident womanOne male reader in his mid 30’s is asking why so many women are overconfident and act like they are God’s gift, even if they are clearly not nearly as attractive and as desirable as they think they are.     

I believe there are three big things behind overconfidence among both men and women:

The first major reason for acting overconfident is obvious – it’s a defense mechanism. It’s so much easier to rationalize why you are still single that take responsibility for it. It’s so much easier to say to others and to yourself that you are too good for others, you are too picky, and others simply don’t meet your high standards. However, it’s so much harder to take a moment, look in the mirror and ask yourself: “Hmmm, is there something I could to be more attractive to others? Is there something in me that prevents me from meeting the right people and making the right connections?”

This is essentially the same as an attempt to overcompensate and to convince yourself and others that you are something, when you know that you are not. That’s why so many people, who know that they are not as attractive or not as successful as they would like to be, love to talk about how good looking or how accomplished they are.

The second reason people act overconfident is equally simple – social pressure to act like you are all that. We have been bombarded through so many magazines and self-help books with this idea that you have to love and appreciate yourself first, if you want to be loved and appreciated by others. Some of us took this idea to the extreme and decide to focus too much on appreciating ourselves and not focus enough on being the type of person who deserves to be appreciate by anyone. Many people believe that simply acting like they believe they are amazing makes them amazing. This is of course far from being the case.

The last big reason for overconfidence immediately reminds me of the movie “I Feel Pretty”, in which the main character – an overweight woman – acts like she really attractive, and no one tells her otherwise.  Indeed, on one ever tells people in person or on social media that they are every doing anything wrong. As soon as you challenge someone on anything in any way – from their appearance to their behavior or any choices they make in life – you are immediately labeled as judgmental, a hater, and you are likely to be blocked one way or another from that person’s life. How dare you not to be supportive of their lifestyle or any of their decisions. This is true at least in our society in the US. It’s so easy to find many examples of this on social media. Both men and women, but especially women, get so many likes and so many compliments on the most ridiculous pictures that should never be posted by anyone who has the most basic self respect.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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