Three Elements Of Great Conversation Starters with Women

great conversation starters with women

I believe that all great conversation starters with women who you would want to meet, talk to and get interested in going out the following three essential elements:

1. Your conversation starter with a girl should be relevant to the situation.

The more relevant whatever you saying is to the situation,  the less of a pick-up line it will sound like and the easier it will be for you to actually say it.  It’s not always easy to come up with something relevant to say on the spot, but in most situations, and with a little practice, you will improve your creativity to be able to make observations about your surroundings and start a conversation about something that it would actually make sense talking about.

For example, if you are standing at a bust stop next to an attractive woman you would like to talk to, asking something as simple as for directions or whether a certain bus goes to a particular area is a good way to start a conversation. It might not sweep her off her feet and make her fall in love with you right then and there, but it will be a good ice breaker. It is surely better than telling her that you like her shoes or her purse, as that would sound like an obvious come-on.  If you are seeing a woman texting on her phone, using a retractable keyboard, one way to start a conversation is to say something like: “I hope they keep making these phones and don’t force us to use touchscreen if we don’t want to” or something along those lines that is just as relevant to that situation. If you see a girl reading a book at a coffee shop for a long time without letting anything distract her, the moment she stops reading, say “Wow, you have quite an attention span. I am really jealous. I wish I could read without being distracted for half the time that you have bee reading. What’s the secret?”

2. Your conversation starters with women should be open-ended and not call for a “yes/no” answer.

It is much easier for a woman to “help” you carry on a conversation if you ask a question that encourages her to talk rather than say “yes or no” and then go back to her business. You may think that it’s hard for you to start talking to a woman you might be interested in, but it’s just as hard for the girl you are trying to talk to, to engage in a conversation right away with a guy, who is a total stranger.  Allowing her to talk rather than give you a brief answer will help her relax and feel more comfortable around you. Thus, asking for directions is better than asking “Is this bus going to….?” Asking a woman who is reading at a coffee shop what the secret to her very long attention span is better than simply complimenting her and saying that she has a great attention span.

3.You should start talking to a woman you are interested in right away without any delay.

Ideally, you should start talking to a woman you noticed as soon as possible. One of the most common mistakes guys make is standing or sitting down near the girl they want to start talking to and lingering around for many minutes, while staring at her and trying to come up with the guts to talk to her. Every guy who has done that knows that the longer you wait, the more awkward and unnatural it would be for you to start a conversation with the girl.  That’s why you should start talking to a woman as soon as you are close enough to her to be able to have a conversation. If you come into the coffee shop and you see a girl sitting down and reading, the right time to start talking to her is right before or about the time you sit down. That’s when she is most likely to notice you and lift her eyes from her reading briefly. This will be a perfect time for you to say “sorry, I didn’t mean to distract you”, for her to say “oh, no, it’s ok” and for you to follow up with “what are you reading?” If instead you sit down and start thinking about how to talk to her, not only it will become harder for you, but the chances of the same girl looking at you again and making it easier for you to start talking to her are far less likely.

Keep the above three simple rules of starting conversations with women in mind, and they will likely serve you well in many different situations.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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5 Comments

  1. c.) Women are turned off by guys who are “boring.” If you’re talking a woman you need to know how to keep the conversation fun. If you continually find yourself facing awkward silences, stuck in boring “interview mode” or talking about mundane topics like the weather
 you can be sure that the woman you’re talking to will quickly lose interest.

  2. practicalhappiness.com

    This is very fact specific and person specific. I think if you have an opportunity and time not to be too straightforward, you should develop a pressure free interaction first and then asking for a contact information, etc… without telling the woman how much you like her right then and there, etc… But if you don’t have a choice, the direct approach is the only way and surely doing something is better than doing nothing.

  3. student and teacher

    @practicalhappiness.com,

    So how do you find that balance?

    Between not being too straight forward and direct to the point of startling or cornering her.

    But not beating around the bush and making
    (obviously) artificial small talk, like in one article you said “what shelf is the bread on”.

  4. practicalhappiness.com

    @ student and teacher.
    Thank you and I totally agree with the “why now?” part. We would think that direct approach is the best because it sounds so confident and romantic (especially in movies) but in real life it startles women more often than not. Direct approach should be reserved, in my opinion, for those situations where you have no other choice, i.e in the elevator or some place else where you only have a few moments to talk. Other than that, starting at least indirectly is much better as it doesn’t corner a woman who usually doesn’t expect it.

  5. student and teacher

    Great article as always. I agree with most of it.

    Being open-ended and relevant are both important. Also, you are completely right about talking to someone soon after you see them rather than waiting. Talking to women should be a natural thing guys do whenever possible, but by waiting and having your presence acknowledged long before talking to her can prompt the following question: Why now? Why didn’t he talk to me a minute ago? Approaching a woman isn’t something that shouldn’t be rehearsed or heavily calculated, but we train ourselves for it to come genuinely and naturally rather than artificially engineered.

    I have a question.

    You suggested a better example of an opener was “Can I have directions to ____?”. I agree that it is better than “What time does the bus come”, but I’m not sure if I agree with that kind of approach.

    Isn’t it better just to be straight-up and direct about it? Such as going up to a girl and saying that you saw her and wanted to meet her? I mean, that is the end result you are looking for anyway. And I suspect that women know that most guys aren’t REALLY interesting in directions.

    What do you think?

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