Guys often ask me which is the best dating advice out there, or whether a specific dating advice by a certain author or dating “guru” or PUA is good or bad. I believe that except for some advice that’s clearly wrong, there is no such thing is good advice or universally perfect advice, just like there is no perfect place to live, perfect diet, perfect job, or perfect exercise plan. There are things that are perfect for you. This doesn’t make them perfect for everyone. Just like there is no single diet or fitness regimen that will be perfect for everyone, since it depends so much on your goals, your lifestyle, your body type and health condition, there is no such thing as perfect dating advice. What dating advice will be effective for you depends on who you are, what you want, your social and cultural context, and where you live, among other factors. Here are three major factors that will make a difference to which kind of dating advice is appropriate for you and you should follow:
1. How attractive are you physically?
If you are, you probably want to tone down the sarcasm and banter a little, or otherwise you will come across as full yourself or a total player, which will be a big red flag and turn off to many women. Being a little nicer or sweeter will work to your advantage if you have the looks of a model.
If you are average or slightly above average looking, that’s the time to be a little more funny and sarcastic, as enhancing your personality will make your overall more attractive to those women who can appreciate.
2. What kind of girl are you looking for or are you dealing with?
If you are looking for a woman who is more traditional, feminine and seems to be having a more nurturing energy, that’s the kind of woman who probably wants to be pursued and it’s ok to call her and text her a little more often and be more aggressive with her when the right time comes. “Notebook” is a classic example of this kind of traditional dynamic, where the guy continues to show interest in a girl until she finally responds. Of course, times have changed, and fewer and fewer women belong to that category, especially in big cities, but they are still out there. This is the kind of woman that you don’t need to be a “challenge” with or wait to return calls or text messages with. She will actually be more attracted to you if you are more straightforward with her.
On the other hand, if the girl you are dealing with is more of a business, “independent” type, then being “busy”, being a a little more of a challenge and playing other games in moderation is more appropriate, since that girl will be busy herself and you don’t want her to feel like you are hovering over her all the time. In this case, you may consider taking the kind of common modern dating advice that encourages you to wait to return phone calls and text messages, not to see that girl more than once/twice a week in the beginning, not to tell her that you like her until it’s clear to you that she likes you first, etc. And if she doesn’t seem all that interested, then you should definitely not push it.
3. How do guys in your community behave?
What do most men in your area wear? What do they talk about in their dating profiles? What are they talking about on dates and how aggressive are they sexually? Whatever they do, try to do or say something different.
Here, in San Francisco, for instance, people love to write in their dating profiles about how adventurous they are, how they live to hike, rock climb, skydive, travel, go wine tasting, and eat. Here, I would advise any guy (or a woman) to avoid saying these things about themselves and go in a completely different direction with their writing. You can wait to talk about hiking, traveling, and restaurants later, when you meet and find out other, deeper and more interesting things about each other. Here is an example of a truly unique, fascinating OkCupid profile written by a young woman:
My self-summary:
2oz New England pragmatism
3 dashes California outdoorsy wanderlust
1 splash Asian attention to detail
1 tsp feminine wiles
1 dollop of good humour
1 slice of creativity, w. caramelized edges
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Mix feminine wiles, Asian detail oriented-ness, and California wanderlust in an an old-fashioned glass. Drop in the dollop of good humor and slice of creativity. Muddle into a paste using the back end of a wooden spoon. Pour in the New England pragmatism, fill with ice cubes, stir, and enjoy while sitting on a bench in Half Moon Bay watching the sunset. A delicious concoction unlike any other. You can’t have just one!
When I get a chance to observes people on dates near where I live, I always here the same “What do you do? Where are you from? Where did you go to school? Where do you live?”. Men also seem to be quite passive and way too cautious with their conversation and humor. One of the issues women complain about so often in this area is that most guys they meet are boring, and they all talk about the same things. If that’s the situation in your locality, the best dating advice for you for your first date is to skip all those questions at least at first and start your approach or your dates with anything other than what every other guy does and says. Talk about movies, new stores that opened up recently, any new scientific fact that you recently learned, a book you recently read that fascinating you or anything other than work, and this will give you an edge over all those other people your date has been talking to and meeting lately.
