Women pride themselves on being picky when it comes to meeting guys, be it in the real world or in the online dating arena. Being picky is a good idea, as he (or she) who has standards, will more likely get better results because they refuse to settle for less than something or someone that makes them happy.
A typical woman who is interested in meeting a guy on a dating site expects guys to write to her a thoughtful, original / non-generic message that will compel her to look at his profile and write back. She definitely wants to know that it’s not the kind of boilerplate message he sends to a hundred women as a bait to see who will “bite”. I was really surprised, however, to find out that when women initiate a contact, their first message is almost always devoid of any effort to attract the guy’s attention.
I have reviewed over fifty of the women’s initial e-mails to guys, and the vast majority of them were one-liners, such as “Hey, how are you doing?” “How was your weekend” or my favorite “Hi!” and that’s about it. It is very hard to respond to that kind of a plain, generic message that screams “I didn’t care enough to read your profile and I have nothing interesting to say.”
I realize that for many women making that first step in itself is already getting out of their comfort zone because it’s still the guy’s job to make the first move. Thus, with that brief message they want the guy to whom they wrote to know that they want to talk to him, so they are just trying to say “hello” and invite him to start a conversation. Nevertheless, if you believe that you are intelligent and articulate, and you can do better than “hi” or “how are you doing?” when writing to a guy on a dating site – you should definitely let some of that creativity shine. This doesn’t mean that you have to write long a message or give him a lot of compliments. But a few sentences that are relevant to what he wrote on his page will make a much better impression.
Remember – the men that you would consider to be quality men are as picky as quality women or even pickier. They are protective of their time and they don’t wan to see someone or even write to someone who doesn’t sound intriguing and interesting. Therefore, it is worth writing a guy a note that makes him think: “Wow, she sounds like unlike most others; not only isn’t she waiting around to be contacted first, but she sounds like an interesting woman – a rare kind that is worth talking to and possibly pursuing a connection with.”
It takes an effort to sign up for one or more of the dating sites out there, write a profile, find the right photos, answer all the personal questions they ask, etc… So, make sure that you already invested that effort, you don’t drop the ball with your first message to the few guys you would like to write to. Communicate through your initial message subtly but clearly that you are not just another “run of the mill” girl with nothing interesting to say. You have more to offer and he would be lucky to get to know you because if nothing else – you sound like an interesting person based on how you write.