It is just as important knowing how not to ask a girl out as it is knowing how to ask her out. In many cases, it won’t really matter how you ask a girl out and that’s not what will usually make it or break it when it comes to her interest level. However, it is still important to come across as an attractive, confident guy, especially if you are dealing with a woman who you don’t know, or don’t know very well, and she doesn’t have much information to base her opinion of you on, except the way you meet her and ask her out. In these cases, the small things do matter.
Recently, one guy asked me a very good question, during which he mentioned asking a girl out by saying: “I was wondering, that if you’re single, would you like to go out with me?” At first, this looks like an innocent, direct way to ask a girl out, and there is nothing obviously wrong about it. However, looking closer, I can’t help but see that it will necessarily take things in the wrong direction. Although, I am aware that some of the most reputable sources of dating advice out there suggest that asking a girl if she is single is a great way to start a conversation, I believe that more often than not, it’s not a good way to start a conversation. First, it is way too direct. You might ask “Well, what’s wrong with being direct?” Well, if the girl is already interested in you, then there is probably nothing wrong with it. However, in the vast majority of cases, when a guy is asking a girl out, she doesn’t know much about him or doesn’t know anything about him at all, and as such – she cannot possible be all that interested in going out with him. Thus, in most cases, asking a girl whether she is single out of the blue is going to “corner” her, put pressure on her and make her feel uncomfortable.
Even more importantly, I always advise guys to avoid asking a girl out by actually using the words “Would you like to go out with me?” It’s best if you don’t use the words “out,” “date,” etc… Also, it’s better if you invite a girl out, as opposed to asking her out. “Would you like to….?” almost invites “no” in a sense. It corners a girl and is likely to put her in an uncomfortable position. On other hand “lets meet this Wednesday evening at 6 o’clock and take a walk together at this park and grab coffee” sounds like a much more appealing and confident way to ask a girl out. You don’t even have to explain to the girl whether it’s a date or not. You are not telling her that you like her. You are not telling her that you want to go out on a date with her and you don’t put any pressure on her whatsoever. Let her wonder – let her hope that it’s a date. And if she asks you “Is this going to be a date?” this will be your perfect opportunity to show you sense of humor and confidence by playfully saying: “Oh, no… it’s strictly business” while winking at her.
So, keep the above simple, practical rules of asking a girl out in mind, and they will likely help you to do better when you ask girls out.
For all the well thought out suggestions on this website this definitely not the best advice. While I agree that one should look confident and that inviting someone is better than requesting (the – would you like to – proposition) one cannot just invite someone out of the blue. Image you just met someone at the airport. How can you just make a direct invitation? You will almost come across as stupid and over-confident.
Here is the right thing to do. Engage her in a conversation and try to flirt. See her response. If she does not respond, my suggestion would be to leave her alone and try your luck elsewhere. There are a million girls out there. On the other hand if she flirts back, this is your opportunity to explore for a common interest between the both of you and make a connection. Let us say you both play tennis. Invite her to your local club/court and may be challenge her to beat you – in a flirting way.
On the other hand let us say you were able to make a connection – let us say you both like art – but could not come up with an excuse to invite her out, end the conversation by asking her number and letting her know that you would invite her to do something related to the common interest. Find something to invite her to after you reach home.
@Avi
Thanks for your thoughts. Of course, inviting someone doesn’t apply to every single situation (just like any other advice). Inviting a stranger at the airport to go out without any kind of “warm up” is certainly not a good idea. The idea of inviting someone out instead of asking out also applies more to the women you already know somewhat – a friend of a friend, or someone you see at the same school, library, etc. Of course, if you try to engage a woman you never met in a conversation and she doesn’t respond, there is no point in inviting her to do anything, like you pointed out.
Right…don’t say “would you like to go out….” This actually forces the girl into a position where she has to make the decision. You are forcing her, in a sense, to ask you out. Say instead…”Let’s go out Saturday night. There’s a movie I’ve been dying to see. Let’s have dinner and then check it out.” See? You asked her out. You have a plan. You are a man. You are taking care of things. This is enormously appealing to women. Being an indecisive and unconfident pussy is enormously unappealing. And even if she doesn’t want to go and says no…she still will respect the fact you actually had the balls to forthrightly ask her out. You can’t lose.
@Singlebass
Good point! I think that even in regular social interactions with friends, suggesting something specific sounds better and more real than something vague like “let’s do something sometime.” The latter sounds like a pure courtesy where you don’t really mean you want to see the other person.
Then I already blew it. Aggh, I hate being such a newb at 22. Damn upbringing
how will she know if this is a date or not? and what if she never asks if it is a date or not?
What makes it a “date” is not what you call it but your experience and the experience of the person who is out with you. Of course, what word you use to describe a meeting that is supposed to be romantic has little, if any bearing, on the outcome.
It really doesn’t matter. What matters is what happens when you go out and not the labels that you affix to it.
If you're not sure and have done nothing romantic then don't ask. You need to initiate the physical contact if you want more than being just friends.
im about to ask a girl out that i really like. im not sure if she likes me or not. we hang out and go places together but dont do anything romantic(kissing,holding hands).im planning on asking her out and was wondering if this is the right thing to say? ” Jessica, you are one of the prettiest girls ive ever met, and was wondering if you would be interested in being my girlfriend?” is that good or should i change it up let me know. Thank You.. ronnie