Most men are fascinated by the idea of going out and meeting one or more of those dressed up, “hot” women that they see in bars and clubs. Despite the fact that the majority of men don’t meet a woman during the typical weekend nightly outing at bars and clubs, the hope and the desire to approach, “pick up” and meet a woman on a dance floor or while sipping a favorite drink at a bar and checking out all the hot women around is very appealing to most men.
Most men are strong believer in the law of numbers and averages. They think that if they are out at a venue where they are surrounded by a large amount of young, attractive, “decked out” women who are ready to drink, dance, have fun and presumably be “picked up” by guys, then these guys have a better chance of meeting those women than anywhere else. However, the reality proves the opposite. Bars and clubs are some of the most difficult places to start conversations with women. In fact, bars and clubs are some of the most unlikely places to meet women for the majority of even those guys who consider themselves confident and otherwise attractive to women. In other words, you are probably more likely to meet a woman at any place other than a bar.
Various dating advice sources agree that alcohol coupled with noise and the women’s negative perception of the men and their intention in bars and clubs make it much harder for men to meet women in those places than almost anywhere else. However, these dating guides usually overlook one, even greater, more fundamental factor that makes meeting women in bars and clubs so challenging. In order to understand that factor well, I have to step back and mention one crucial point that I bring up in my “Powerful Pick-Up” Audio Program – one of the most important elements that make a man attractive to a woman is her respect for him. Respect means admiring a man’s character, lifestyle, ambition, hopes, plans and aspirations, as well as the choices that he makes in life. That respect / admiration from a woman can be earned in different ways under different circumstances. A witty conversation, for instance, shows a man’s sharp wit and sense of humor and can earn him respect as much as his interesting views and opinions that he shares with a woman.
Back to bars and clubs – these places, besides being noisy and crowded, make it very hard for a man to earn a woman’s respect. A guy who is dressed up, standing and drinking isn’t nearly as attractive to a woman as a man who is busy doing something useful, such as even a bartender at that very bar. Under such circumstances, a woman has no reason to admire anything about a guy unless, of course, he is strikingly good-looking and has a unique, very attractive style.
In addition to the lack of opportunity to earn respect and value at a bar / club (unless you are a great dancer of course), the other issue that guys legitimately have when they want to approach and meet a woman at a bar is not knowing what to say to a woman. This inability to start a conversation is at least somewhat justified. It is hard to find a reason / a context to start a conversation at a bar without appearing obnoxious / obvious / cliche. Any other place such as a bookstore, grocery store, department store, public transportation, library, and restaurants have so many things about them that make starting a conversation with and meeting a woman in those places so much easier than at a bar.
Don’t take me wrong – I would never suggest that you should not even try to meet women in bars and clubs. I am a strong believer that when it comes to approaching and meeting women, some action is much better than no action, wherever you are. But I do want to draw your attention to some obvious obstacles that men face when they try meeting women in bars, understanding which will help you be better at meeting and interacting with women anywhere.
Understanding the concept of respect as an element of attracting a woman is paramount to your ability to meet women. As you become conscious of this elements and as you learn how you can earn respect in your own unique ways under different circumstances will certainly take your ability to approach and attract women to another level.
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as a straight man, meeting women in bars and clubs is very hard today for me. i was married twice at one time and was a very good husband. i was very caring and loving and never mistreated them at all. however, they both cheated on me and i never cheated on them. i was a very happily married man at the time. now being alone sucks. i feel as if the world is crashing down on me. i do go out a lot but i meet all the nasty low life women, and never the good ones. where are all the good straight women today?
Not at bars and clubs! I do believe there is a douchebaggy type that do well in bars and clubs, but they are losers. They are ONLY good at bars and clubs and their whole life centers around it. For all other guys, bars and clubs suck!
Here’s some advice: Next time you see a hot chick at a coffee shop, bookstore, grocery store, mall, or anywhere else you hang out, do the following: Go up to here and say with a smile and a cheerful tone while looking her right in the eyes: “Hi, I saw you, and I just wanted to meet you. I’m (name)…”
Get used to doing this, but don’t expect anything. Just practice doing this for a month. A couple notes: Do not hesitate, analyze, think of what to say, or overthink things. You see, you like, you immediately approach and say line in above paragraph. Don’t worry about what to say after the conversation starts. Some conversations will be very short, some will go well and you will talk for 5 minutes, 15 minutes, half an hour, or even 2 hours. Focus on listening to what she says and what she means and ask follow up questions. Find out about her. Don’t talk a lot about yourself.
Good luck!
i have tried this already and it did not work. in fact, they were very nasty to me and told me to leave them alone. there are just too many no good women today. then again, there are a lot of women now that are lesbians which does add to the problem. if i was a woman instead, then she would have fallen in love with me. that is the whole problem today, more and more women are going for other women today instead of men. very disgusting. i am a straight average good looking man, and i would have never thought that i was going to have this problem meeting a good woman for me now. it is garbage like them, that will make it that much harder for us men to meet a good woman today. i am a very sincere man that really hopes to meet the right woman for me again. it bothers me a lot because, i am in my late fifties now and i wish that i was thirty years younger again. for me, time is short. i go out every single night not to be home by myself, just hoping to be at the right place at the right time to meet a good woman for me again. i have a friend that i know that was married and has two children, and last year his wife left him for another woman. i am trying to talk to him and told him that you will meet another good woman someday that will love you for yourself.
i do have to agree very much on this, there are a lot more women that i have noticed that are lesbians today. at the clubs, they are even making out on the dance floor. forget about meeting women at bars, especially that many of them are like this now. i will go out, not to stay at home but i really hate it. it is like a game that cannot be won, looking to meet the right woman today. i would have thought going to the book store would be a lot better than the bar, but it is not. the women there are a good thirty years younger, and it obviously makes it worse. trying to start a conversation with the one that i would like to meet, is very hard because they will walk away from me and tell me to leave me alone. it is true, being alone and single now sure sucks. especially that so many men at my age are very lucky to have met the right woman for them, and have a family as well. i feel as if god is punishing me. all i want is to meet the right woman for me, it will be like i have won the lottery.