Perhaps no other profession is associated more with being argumentative, competitive, and aggressive than lawyers. And among all the different kinds of lawyers, litigators / trial lawyers are especially known for being that way. While men of many professions are expected to be the aggressive go-getters, who don’t let anything stand in their way toward success, promotions, and professional and financial victories, the same qualities often make women intimidating to women men and simply much less attractive and less desirable sexually and as relationship material to others.
I have known a number of very accomplished men, who could not possibly be intimidated by any woman’s success. Those guys would would refuse to even go out on one date with a woman, as soon as they found out that she was a lawyer. They didn’t want to know anything else about her, but they would immediately assume a lot of things about who she is – that she would challenge them on everything, she would be arguing all the time and she would be insisting that she is always right and that she would be too busy to go out and spend time together anyway, so why even bother and go out with her. Call it stereotyping or unfair bias, but that was their response. I even knew one assistant director of admissions at a law school who told me that after dating one lawyer, he was never going to date a lawyer again. When I asked why, he said: “come on, like you don’t know what lawyer girls are like” while rolling his eyes. His responses suggested to me that my question was rhetorical and that I shouldn’t be asking him something so obvious. I was amazed to hear those words from someone who was paid a lot of money to market legal profession as an exciting field of work for everyone, including women. Having heard him speak to the new class of admitted students, he sounded very convincing to me. Even when he was talking to a group of new female law students during the break, I couldn’t detect a trace of cynicism in his words.
Does this mean that all women lawyers are competitive, ultra-feminist, and “in-you-face” bitches? Of course not. Like any generalization out there, this one has exceptions. Some female lawyers are indeed really difficult to get along with or date, and legal profession is probably “blessed” with that type of women more than just about any other industry. However, there are female lawyers out there who are as feminine as any guy would want his girlfriend or wife to be. These women often come from stable traditional families, and they were brought up to be and behave as a woman certain way that neither law school nor legal work could ever change. Moreover, these women-lawyers are aware of the harshness that legal profession can bring into a woman’s behavior and attitude. They dislike that kind of behavior in women as much as the men do and they consciously resist becoming that way.
Finally, these women believe that you don’t have to be super aggressive to do well as a woman-lawyer, especially in your personal life, and they know that a gentle touch is often stronger and more effective than any tough fist. They treat law and their legal work academically – they approach is as science and they treat every case they handle not as some kind of find where they have to win at all costs but as an academic problem which they are trying to solve in a way that would be favorable to their client. Some of the more talented female lawyers that I know act exactly that way. This doesn’t mean they are weak. On the contrary – they will work longer and harder than anyone else, but their work isn’t accompanied by unnecessary harshness in their demeanor and in their interactions with their adversaries.
Imagine meeting a woman who is both, as feminine as you would like a woman to be, but at the same time she also possess the wit and the sharpness to her personality that lawyers are known for. I know – it’s a tall and a rare order, but these kind of female lawyers are out there. Therefore, dismissing a woman as a potential dating or relationship material just because she is a lawyer without knowing anything else about her is premature and might make you miss out on a great woman who is both feminine and exceptionally smart.