Whether you are a very young woman who got pregnant and had a child by accident or a more mature woman who is raising children from her ended marriage or a relationship with a guy that didn’t work our, you deserve a lot of admiration for the responsibility and the challenges you are dealing with that only another single mother can relate. But hey – you are a single woman now and your life must go on. As important as your children are to you, you cannot and should not be neglecting your own needs and interests, and you should not put your dating and love life on hold once you are ready to go back and meet/date guys again.
But wait – what about your children? What will the guys you meet think about you being a mother and having that “baggage”, and how will it affect your interactions with these men?
I believe the answer to this question is not very different from the opposite situation – where the guy has children. First, it is important that you remind yourself of the obvious – your children are part of your life and they will be there for a while (at least till they are ready to leave and start their own independent life). Different guys will respond differently when they find out that you have children. Their reaction will depend on what they want and what you want. If both of you are looking for a fun, pressure free interactions where you can just go out, have a good time, have sex and be with each other when mutually convenient without having too many expectations and without looking too far into the future of your relationship, the fact that you have children should not be an obstacle unless they prevent you from leaving your house or otherwise restrict your availability to a degree that the guy cannot get you to go out or where it takes way too much effort to be with you one on one without distractions.
Some guys even prefer women with children because they assume (and often that assumption is true) that mothers are less needy. They have other things that occupy their time and emotions so these women are less likely to become clingy. They might just enjoy seeing the guy casually without rushing into a relationship – something that many guys appreciate.
If, however, you are looking for a serious relationship and to potentially get married again, for some guys the fact that you have children will naturally be a deal breaker. Just like some women want their guy to experience having a first child with these women (if these women don’t have children), some guys would don’t have children, would like to share the experience of having a first child with a woman. For some guys this rule is non-negotiable, while others will naturally look at other circumstances and primarily – how they feel about the woman they are dating. The stronger the guy’s feeling toward a woman, and the more he feels like she is someone special or even one of a kind, the more likely he is to be ok with her having children.
Your chances of getting into a serious relationship are much higher with guys who are older and who are also divorced or having children. First, these guys can relate to what you went through. Secondly, they are not going to perceive your children as a deal breaker since they are in the same situation. Lastly, these men don’t look at things in black and white and are not looking for a “perfect” woman, who comes with no “baggage.” They understand that things happen in life in ways that are different from what we plan, and they don’t look for easy solutions or “perfect” easy relationships.
Regardless of who and when you are dating, you should avoid making one common mistake that so many women make – do not remind guys that children are the most important thing in your life and don’t keep rubbing it in their face. So many women start their dating profiles with “my children mean the world to me” or start telling a guy on the first date that whoever is not ok with her children can “beat it.” This is completely unnecessary. Any guy with average IQ and above knows that mothers care about their children. It would be a much greater surprise if women didn’t. While you should be upfront about having children as there is no point in hiding it, you should not make it a center of your interaction with the guy you are interested in. It’s not romantic and it doesn’t benefit the development of your relationship. On the other hand, once you become close enough so that your children bond with the guy (and perhaps his children), it will be a different story which might be quite wonderful.
So what does this mean to you? There is of course not way to know for sure how any guy will react to finding out that you have children. But keeping the above in mind will help you make informed decisions and take action accordingly.