Why Do Both Guys and Women Give Out Mixed Signals

mixed signals girlsLately, I have been getting the “mixed signals” question more and more often and I am compelled to address it. Usually, it’s the guys who are really curious as to why a certain girl they are interested in and who they think is interested in them is much more friendly and flirtatious on some days and acts very distant on other days,  and why she would be much more outgoing and responsive with them on the phone, by texting and e-mail on some days an would be very unresponsive on other days.

I believe that the explanation of this apparent inconsistency in behavior is rather simple. The behavior of both men and women is constantly changing as our mood is changing from day to day and even throughout the day. We are all friendlier on some days than others, depending on a whole range of circumstances and events that take place on any given day in our lives. Women are known to be much more volatile this way than guys. So, a man should not expect a woman who is interested in him to constantly flirt with him and be equally friendly at all times. Women have moods. On some days they are too tired, to stressed out or too anxious to talk to anyone. They have many doubts about all kinds of things in their lives, including dating and any specific guy they are talking to. Some guys refer to a woman’s mind as a “hamster”. While it might sound somewhat disrespectful to some, it’s a pretty good analogy and a valid explanation for the mixed signals you might be getting from any girl you are talking to.

If you are a guy and you think that a certain girl’s attitude toward you is unstable and she seems to be giving mixed signals to you, think about yourself and ask yourself honestly – are you equally interested in talking to her or getting closer to her every single day and every single moment of that day? Is your romantic and sexual desire at the same exact exactly the same intensity every single day? Of course not. We, humans, don’t operate like that. This applies to both men and women, although in slightly different ways. Even though your moods and desires might not fluctuate as much as that would be the case with girls, you should still be able to at least relate to how a girl would feel. Just imagine that whatever fatigue or stress you feel after a long day of work or school – the girl you are interested might be ten times as tired and stressed out.

So, if a woman who is usually friendly to you is not as friendly to you on a particular day, don’t assume that she is mad at you or that she is not interested in you any longer. Don’t judge how she feels about you based on that one incident of her not being super excited about seeing you or running into you. She might be more serious or looking less happy or appear to give mixed signals to you for many other reasons that have nothing to do with you. But, of course, if she seems to be acting very differently from her usual self, there is nothing wrong with coming up to her and asking if everything is ok. You should also make sure that you learn how to deal with women who send mixed signals.

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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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What Is The Woman Me
8 years ago

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10 years ago

I think you took too long to show her that you like her, like taking more initiative in getting to know her, taking her out etc. She stopped showing interest as she thought you just wanted to be friends and nothing more than that.

10 years ago

I’m getting this mixed signal thing too from a girl I like. We go to the same college (we’re two years apart) and I met her in a gym class where we became friendly because we had the same body type (tall and lanky) and so we could joke about that. She later found me on Facebook and when I friended her, I was able to look at her profile of course (it’s not weird if you’re already friends, right? haha). I found that we had an insane amount of things in common, like that we’re both art students who like the same art, a lot of the same movies, music, books, and even life philosophies. It helped that I also found her physically attractive, and so I began to try to spend more time with her.

This went well for the first part of a week: I got her number, took her shopping (don’t judge), ate lunch with her a lot, and ultimately ended up taking her to a dance at school (although I didn’t consider any of these things “dates”). The dance went well; she came over to my apartment beforehand, we talked about more things, and at the dance, I tried hard to make sure I wan’t too intimate, considering I’d only really known her for about a week. After the dance, I walked her back to her place. I didn’t even kiss her, because I had the feeling that it was too soon.

The day after though, I was texting her, and she didn’t seem to be as “into it” as she had before, and stopped replying after a while. The next time I saw her in class, she also didn’t seem to be as friendly as she was before. So…I don’t really know where to go with this. I’ve been out of the dating game for over a year, and when I was dating, the girls I dated were relatively straightforward, and they were the ones who usually made the first move. None of these relationships lasted too long, and I think it was because we moved too fast. I don’t want to make that mistake again, so I’m moving slower…but now it feels like she may be losing interest already, and I’ve only known her for 2 weeks!

Also, I’m fairly certain that she’s had a breakup recently, and so I understand and respect that she’ll want some single time. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t seem as interested as I thought she was. But if that’s true, then why did she seem so interested at first? Naturally, I’ve considered the possibility that she just doesn’t feel the same way I do, but there’s probably many other factors as well. And I still think she’s worth pursuing.

So what’s up here? Or, considering I’ve only known her for 2 weeks, am I reading into this too much?

11 years ago

i’ve had this problem for over a few years with the same man. i turned him down for a casual date because i didn’t know him well. i learned more about him from others and changed my mind about him and showed interest. Sometimes he would be happy to see me or sometimes he would ignore me. Sometimes he would go out of his way to talk to me and when i approached him he had nothing to say/nervouse look. Needless to say it got frustating and i gave up. Now we’re past that and we can say hello to each other and have 2 minutes of polite conversation. I think he may not be interested anymore, what do you think?

tyson smith
11 years ago

I really think that you should have made your move when you thought things were at your expectations or when you thought that things were okay with her. Taking too long on making a move, can seriously ruin your chances to know whether the girl wants to be in serious relationship or not. Because most of them expect only the guys to make the first move.
So after waiting for so long, the girl might simply believe that you don’t really see her as a potential lover or a life partner so she stopped making any more impressions. It is not guaranteed that if you go back to her she will be at your best expectations, but it might just give you a clear mind of what she is to you or was to you. so going back for a little more talk about this issue should be the right thing to do, and it can make you aware of similar future situations.

11 years ago

Hi there,
I have a problem. Of couse there is a girl who is special to me! We are on the same College and we have known each other since first year here. But begininng of Summer 2010 we had something together but it was only once while we were out with friends. Since then its pretty obviously that i like her, but I was geting mixed signals all the time. And I gave up for several times on her but later became interested again. On the other hand i have had so many chanches when i could really do something about her (when we wer out together with company) and i wasted them all… dont know why cuz with girls im not shy guy at all, but she ist completely diferent to the others. I am just wondering if is it good idea to go to her and talk very openly about everything that we have had and what she thinks about that?!? (i know that this is normaly not a good idea… but i just dont know what else to do. I dont even know if she is stil intreseted)