It’s easy to make excuses and to rationalize why we don’t do certain things, why we don’t accomplish certain goals. This also includes our failures at achieving our dating and relationship goals. Making excuses about why you are single or why the dates you go out on don’t go anywhere, or why you are being dumped over and over might make you feel about but it will not change the bottom line – where you are v where you would like to be, as far as your love life goes. Coming up with justifications, however legitimate they might be, of why you don’t have that great relationship that you would like to have is not going to benefit you in any way. Excuses are not a solution but it’s just another obstacle to turning your dating life around.
Watch the video below for more information about how excuses hurt your dating life, and learn about the simple ways you can an should make those excuses stop standing between you and your growth and development when it comes to both, your dating life and other aspects of your life:
@Practical Happiness:
Still, there are many women, both married and single who consider men the enemy, and in many cases their experence is not nearly as bad as Elena's. So, what's a guy to do?
@Elena:
I'm truly sorry that you suffered through a horrendous marriage. I can certainly understand that you are justified in how you feel.
I couldn’t disagree more. Gender relations have deteriorated to the point that male bashing has replaced baseball as the national pastime. I really and truly believe that the majority of women are hard wired to dislike, distrust and devalue men.
Women will find fault with guys for any of the following reasons, at the minimum:
1) Men try to be decent and respectful, but that’s not good enough.
2) If men try to be the so-called “alpha-male”, he’s written off as overly cocky/insincere.
3) A man can’t read a woman’s mind and she gets mad.
4) Women are convinced that men bring nothing to the table.
5) The “all men are dogs” mentality.
6) Women carry themselves as “unapproachable” all the time.
7) If a guy disagrees with a woman for ANY reason, he’s automatically a jerk for it.
8) Any time a guy tries to stand up for himself and speak out against the current man-hating culture, the man-hating feminazis usually shout him down and run him out of town!!!
Guess what? It sure is hell hard for women to find a good man when all they do is run guys off at every opportunity.
Man-hating is a fact, not an excuse.
@Mickey, hmmm, it always amazes me how many men treat women like rubbish and then complain that women are bitter man haters.There's good reason for many women to feel bitter and to hate men. I have been in a horrible marriage for over 20 years and during that time I was nothing but a housekeeper/cook/spermbag! My ex wanted me to be fat so that other men would not be attracted to me. Men will go out with "bad" women but marry a "good" woman, yet, eventually they tire of the "good" woman and cheat on her with the "bad" ones. Dating websites are full of married men looking for a bit on the side, 99% of men on dating site are looking for NSA and FWB.
@Elena:
News flash: I've never cheated on a girlfriend, I've never been married, and have always been taught to respect women. What has that gotten me? Lumped into the classic female complaints of "all men are…"(insert invective). So, I've come to accept that's generally how women feel about us. Since women have low expectations, and even lower tolerance of the male of the species, I ask you: WHY BOTHER???
@Mickey, Mickey, I was not suggesting that you are a bad man, there are always exceptions to the rule. However, given my experiences with men, the experiences of friends and relatives and my extensive interaction with men online and offline I have concluded that the majority of men actually hate women but like to have them for sex, childbearing and domestic duties. I pay attention to how men talk about women to other men and it's very ugly! I am glad to be single again and have started dating, most men want NSA and that may not be a bad thing. I would NEVER live together with anyone or remarry, the only thing I would gain from marriage is more dishes in the sink, more laundry, loss of freedom, verbal/physical abuse, stress and loss of self esteem. Obviously, you have no idea what is like to have wasted half your life being a housekeeper for someone, coping abuse and degradation, daily insults and having to neglect yourself so that hubby don't feel insecure. My ex wanted me to be a fat cow so that no other man would look at me, yet, he was always on the net looking at teen porn.
@ Elena. I have to comment on this very interesting topic that you guys are discussing. I believe that at least one reason (I don't know how significant it is) for the fact that man develop a certain hate toward women is that some of the dating advice out there directly or implicitly suggests that men should treat women as some kind of enemy that needs to be conquered through different techniques and tactics. While some of those techniques can be useful, the big picture message is hardly conducive to a healthy approach to women and dating.
Yes. The biggest excuse I use is my weight and the fact that I am 70 pounds overweight.
There is no doubt that becoming healthy and fit is the best solution, but it is difficult and takes time. Yeah, a lot more women would be attracted to me when I get in better shape, but I need to stop using that as an excuse to justify me not approaching women. Because something is better than nothing.
Weight loss takes time. I put my dating life on pause for 2 years thinking that I should wait until I have a six-pack abs. Two years later, and I’m still fat. Now, regardless of what I weigh in a year, I see a year as a lot of valuable time that simply cannot be wasted! A lot of lessons I could be learning.
Because, I believe (now that I look at all the positive things about myself), even though dating won’t be as easy (I am fat, but I’m still good looking otherwise), there are still a lot of opportunity out there for me.
@ student and teacher
One of the best advice that I have heard for your kind of situation is the "measured results" advice. Basically, you get a precise digital scale and start measuring your progress of losing weight once a week or so. Seeing even small results of losing 1-2 lbs a week by working out and eating more healthy will encourage you to continue working and losing wait more than anything else. One of the reasons that losing weight is so hard is because it's takes so much time and because it's so gradual, but by seeing results immediately – even if these are small results, you will be able to know that you are on the right track and it will be a strong motivator to continue losing weight.