I keep hearing stories from my friends about how they travel to Europe for just a few weeks and end up falling in love with someone while there, after being single in their hometown for a long time and not being able to meet anyone they would care for, for years. I also hear about how the locals in my town (San Francisco) fall for people who come to the city for a short visit or business. I have also personally experienced having strong feelings toward a woman who was visiting in town on two separate occasions.
Reflecting back on my own experienceĀ as well as studying the experiences of others who developed strong and intense interest in someone who was visiting in their town for a short period of time, I found that thereĀ seems to beĀ aĀ common pattern and reason as to why people tend to develop suchĀ strongĀ attraction toward tourists. This is because there is one element that clearly distinguishes our behavior when we travel – the things we bring up and talk about when traveling is usually very different from the conversation we have when we go out in our home town and when we deal with locals.
When you travel or when you go out with a tourist, you talk about your or his/her impressions of the new place one of you or both of you is seeing. You are having a great time, exchanging impressions about the new great places you see, the sites you admire, the people you meet, the foods you try, etc. You are sharing with each other generally positive experiences that are conducive to creating mutual comfort and romantic environment. Your conversation is usually nowhere near the mundane and somewhat boring subjects the locals would be talking about such as your job, school, paying bills, equity in your house, and recession. This may be very refreshing, and it often comes in strong contrast to your many previous interactions with your local dates, likely to create an emotional connection.
But, you don’t have to beĀ traveling in order toĀ adopt some of those attractive behaviors that many of us have when we travel. You can actuallyĀ incorporate the same behavior into your own interactions with the opposite sex when you go out where you live. Staying away or at least minimizing the time you spend in the beginning on discussing the mundane, routine subjects such as getting into the specifics about your career goals, and the details of today’s economic and political issuesĀ is a good idea if you want to avoid the “friends zone” and create romantic dynamics between you and the other person.
Of course, no one can expect you to act like a tourist and look around yourself with excitement like you don’t know where you are, but keeping a conversation on a more interesting and less mundane note,Ā while spicing it up withĀ wit and humor, is of critical importance of being perceived by your counterpart as a romantic prospect rather thanĀ a friend or some kind of business associate.
This Just recently happened to me as well on a European river boat cruise, I fell hard for a Romanian guy whom I saw everyday for 2 weeks and talked with all the time! We back bit as often as having pleasant conversations, I spose trying to deny any I feelings on both our parts? I still miss the novelty and him deeply, as it's only been a few days away, but I think the actualities are that he took me away from the harsh realities of home life. My handsome husband of 25 yrs, who I love dearly, was there and my 19 ear old son. I've always been more attracted to Europoe than the USA so Constantine I suppose was a pleasant diversion for what I have to face when I get home, bills, cleaning, my older son who has a traumatic brain injury, and so on….. kinda like the commercial "Calgon take me away!" It was new one for me and I've traveled a lot, but never on a boat where you see the person every day on a beautiful more intimate setting! I'll never forget the beautiful feelings I had for him but I know in time reality will kick in and I'll feel like I just met a good pal! One who I'll never see or hear from again, as on these cruises they constantly move them around. Thank goodness or my misguided lust might urge me to track him down! =8-) Crazy life!!!!!
Novelty is always refreshing, familiarity is comforting and attraction is exciting. People as a species look for very few things in a romantic partner. That is often disappointing as many neglect to decide ahead of time what their criteria are for a suitable partner and feed their comfort needs in that way.
When traveling in a new town/country folks are outside their usual sphere of influence and comfort. That being the case, they feel invigorated and a little less at risk. You see, the risk contained in flirting with a stranger in a strange land, is very managable as your new love interest has an expiration date on him/her.
I go home and so does she, but what we do now we do not have to face the social judgement by our peers, family etc. This is then a fully disposable romance!
Having said that, many important insights can be learned from meeting a stranger that you are instantly attracted to. Just see it this way, you are seeing one facet of what attracts you to another and what you posess that is attractive. Great information to have, especially if you view it in the context of being away from your usual outside influences i.e what I like, not what or who is acceptable.
Internet dating can provide the same test space for discovering your most basic formula for the perfect woman or man. Even better than meeting on vacation, meeting someone on a "minute date "or on a web site reveals what you want in a partner and offers a place to try them on for size.
You will definately get good and bad surprizes, but that is what experience costs. Just think, you could get all the fun of meeting a stranger without the bother of traveling to England or wherever you end up. Even better, internet dates usually involve a local that isn't in your "in" group and if by chance you meet Mr. or Ms. Right you can have many more fun dates in store for you without traveling a long distance!
hmm……….exactly every one wants what he has not, so he becomes interested in people who have qualities what he wants in himself or what he likes. but Arkady point is aalso practical that mutual meetings should be on light interesting topics, n discussing surroundings is more interesting than what we even can not see at that time as political views ect.
well, i`m working in a hotel in Amman, and i had noticed that. i think that people are attracted to other people if they are forigners more than they are domistics, thats because of the humanity nature, you know; man kind is curios and likes adventures.
i`ve experienced it my self one time, and you can`t imagine how much was it fantastic, i felt something realy not matched to the thing that i`ve got used to feeling with the girls in my country, the girl was brasilian, and since that time i inttended to visit Brasil, and i will do at the sooner, so, the point is that i`m telling you how much she did influence me!!!!!!
Great article. I had romantic feelings towards tourists at least twice as well. But I keep thinking that even mundane subjects, if treated correctly, could be still the topic of a light, fun chat. Of couse, they’re not as easy to create a romantic talk, but if not taken seriously, they could turn down some shields and prepare the ground for further, more flirty, talk.
Well basically meeting someone different.After all those people we meet when suddenly there is someone different we are more attracted to him/her. Usually not found locally.
That’s a good point. It’s not a secret that dark hair is or at least used to be considered exotic in Northern Europe while blond hair was very much appreciated in the southern countries.
Hey,
I have seen your videos on YouTube and listened to your Powerful Personality audio files. They're interesting but I have a real problem.
I'm very shy. I've never dated or even kissed a girl because, every time a girl a approaches me, I freeze up completely and feel like running out. I don't even try to approach them anymore.
What do I do?
Thanks.
Good point you raised. Though I'd say that if things or someone's life are really that mundane where they're living, maybe it's time to consider moving somewhere else.