Serial dating is one of the more recent and widely discussed dating phenomenons, especially in larger, metropolitan areas. Serial daters aka “butterflies” – generally appeared as a side effect of online dating and the seemingly infinite options we have to contact so many people who we would have never otherwise been able to talk and meet.
Like butterflies that jump from one flower to another without really staying and appreciating each flower long enough, both men and women keep going out on one date after another, while having many more guys to go out with in a “pipeline.” After having gone out on dozens or even hundreds of dates, they lose any excitement about dating. Serial daters become too hopeless and too jaded about finding love after so many boring or otherwise disappointing dates. Butterflies continue waiting for that one special, one of a kind date, during which they will magically, in 2 minutes, will be swept off their feet, realizing that this is the one and only very special person for them.
If you are a guy and have ever been out on a date with a butterfly or a female serial dater, you know the type. She will treat that date very casually. She will show up dressed down, will have very little time for you, trying to squeeze you between her work and her dinner with friends or a gym, and she will show no signs of either nervousness or anxiety about meeting you. She will probably be tired too, and will be battling her urge to yawn even if you are anything but boring. If you have been out with a male butterfly, you will know that he is in a big rush to figure out whether you are going to have sex with him that same night or not. If not, then he is going to move to the next “target” very quickly, and no matter who well your date went, the male serial dater has “better” things to do than see you again.
How do you weed out that type and try to minimize the time you waste on talking and going out with butterflies. There is at least one sure sign that gives away butterflies early on and should help you identify serial daters fairly easily shortly after you start talking to them:
Serial Daters Are Not Excited About Dating
A serial dater looks and sounds unexcited or indifferent to meeting you or dating in general. From the first e-mail or a phone conversation with you or anyone else they meet, their tone of communication sounds lazy and apathetic. They are not that attentive, and they don’t seem to want to know all that much about you. Even the cliche, generic questions they ask, such as “what do you do?” and “what do you do for fun” will sound artificial and forced. You can just feel the utter lack of effort on their part. Serial daters just don’t care enough to make a good impression on you. They are tired – they are tired of dating in general. They usually have 3-5 dates lined up with different people for the next few weeks, so they probably won’t even remember your name next week. Going out on a date with you is no more than going to a quick business lunch or a coffee with a co-worker. Players are pretty good at acting excited, but even they can’t hide from a girl who pays attention that there is nothing special that they see in her. They have an objective, and they will say whatever it takes to “sell” themselves into her pants.
Dating Is NOT a Numbers Game
Serial daters are often a product of this belief that dating is a numbers game, and they think that the more people they meet, the more likely they are to find that one special person. Therefore they try to go out on a thousand dates, thinking that this will maximize their chances of meeting Mr./Ms. Right. While this kind of approach makes some logical sense, this very strategy of trying to meet as many people as possible is what kills their excitement and emotional availability, ironically leading to the opposite results from the ones desired. Another drink with that new guy or another 30 min coffee date with that girl to see “if there are sparks” doesn’t bring them any closer to the kind of connection and love they are looking for. It’s important to remember that we all have a finite amount of emotional energy and availability when it comes to love and romance. We only have so much love and attention to give to other people. And when we dispense this energy carelessly to too many people through serial dating, not much will be left – even when the truly right person comes our way.
An Early Serial Dating Symptom – Giving Up Too Quickly
You meet a girl online, exchange a few text messages and get her on the phone. You have a nice conversation for a while and then you come to a point where you disagree on something not that important. And as soon as this happens, she rushes off the phone telling you in so many words that you are not a good match. There are no second chances and there is no opportunity for you to explain yourself. Why would she bother and try to talk through whatever that issue is? – she probably got 3 “hey”‘s from new guys while she was on the phone with you. When, as a guy, you are dismissed this quickly, it’s probably a blessing in disguise, since it happens so early and you didn’t have to waste time going on a date with someone who would turn every little thing about you into a deal breaker in her mind.