One of the favorite excuses that so many guys use for not dating or not even meeting as many women as they like is their financial situation, coupled with accusing women of being greedy and materialistic. It’s easy to sit back and say something like “All that women care of is money and status, and since I don’t have any, I have no chance of meeting or attracting any of them.” This is nothing but an excuse for not getting out of your comfort zone and not taking action to meet the women you would like to meet.
Assuming that all women are materialistic and that all they care about is money when it comes to dating is just another assumption and stereotype that makes you resent women and hurts your dating life as a result. Like with just about any other stereotype, this one also has plenty of exceptions. Some women are indeed vain, vapid, greedy, self-centered and superficial. Fine dining, expensive purses, and being seen out at a high-end restaurant at a reserved table with an expensive bottle of champagne is what they are after. But not all women are like that. In fact, there are plenty of women who have as little respect for the greedy kind as you do.
Plenty of women out there want something very fair and reasonable – they want to meet and date a guy who has professional and/or academic goals and ambitions that he is excited about and who does something about achieving them. Showing that kind of motivation makes the guy more attractive as a person to women, and it also makes women have more respect and admiration for him, which is essential to a long term romantic interest and attraction. These women also want to be with a guy who is not going to be a financial burden on their shoulders. No woman, even the most financially accomplished woman, wants to support a guy. This kind of relationship would make her feel like a mother, and no woman wants to feel like she is her lover’s mother – at least not when it comes to finances.
This doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to match the income of the woman you are interested in, make more than she does, but it does mean that you, as a guy, should be able to cover your own expenses and be able to afford the basics when you spend time with her, at least in the beginning of your relationship, and before you would make any big plans such as going on vacations together or buying a house together as a couple.
Ironically, professional and financially independent women tend to not care as much about the guys’ money as those women who struggle to make ends meet. First, the former can afford what they want on their own, and they don’t need a guy to buy them a pair of shoes or a plate of pasta at a restaurant. Secondly, many of those successful women have realized that they are not interested in the majority of the guys they meet in professional and social settings. They find those men to be too stiff and boring. A woman who doesn’t need to worry about her car payments or rent and who has a financially comfortable life wants excitement – she wants love, romantic tension and chemistry. She knows that these things cannot be bought, and she also knows that her interest in, and attraction to, a guy has little to do with his bank account.
“By the way, if you looked hard enough, you’d find at least one decent woman who would love you for you.”
I speak from experience here: NO, YOU WOULDN’T.
Sorry that’s a logical fallacy. Ypu would have to meet literally every single woman to conclude this.
Since the odds are so prohibitively against that ever happening anyway, it probably doesn’t matter anyway.
If you do, indeed, speak from experience, are you telling me that you have been engaged with the entire female race? Because, I certainly am not materialistic. I am a woman looking for a man who would love me for me. I would not mind if he is from the squatters, just as long as he loves me. Also, how could you conclude that? Do you have any facts and citations to prove it? Because I have. I have been doing my research, and I can tell you, I have credible facts. Unless you want to go against all those credible facts, I suggest you back off, and do your research before saying that.
However, I cannot say that I blame you for thinking that way. Developing stereotypes is inevitable if you’d have to deal with the same issue over and over again, but that does not give you the entitlement to prove that the ENTIRE female race is materialistic.
If I were to take your advice, all the men that I have encountered with are assholes, and from the way you expressed your opinion, I can conclude that you’re an asshole, so am I given the right to call the entire male race an asshole?
Lastly, the argument you’re giving falls under “sweeping generalization.” I suggest you look that up.
I will only say this: experience doesn’t lie.
Hahaha, you think I’m talking about experience? I know experience does not lie. I 100% agree with you, but to label the entire female population ( almost 4 billion as of 2010) materialistic would deem it unfair for those who aren’t. I’m not saying that there aren’t women who are not materialistic, because truth be told, there really are. Your experience cannot justify that all women are materialistic. Maybe the women you’ve affiliated with are materialistic, but really, there are those who aren’t. I know women, I have friends who are women who have encountered materialistic men. Most of the men they affiliate themselves with are materialistic, and yet I tell them not to label the entire male population.
Mickey, my point is not to ridicule your experience, because I completely understand. I have been in your shoes, except affiliation is with men. I know experience does not lie; I’m not saying that it does. My point in this argument is that not all women are materialistic. Many are, indeed, but not all.
I would also like to add that being somewhat materialistic is only natural and expected. Life is difficult, expensive and stressful as it is, especially in big cities. It’s normal for a woman to want some kind of comfort and stability as part of the relation with a guy.
I understand where you’re coming from. Your point is certainly a fair one.
Thank you for understanding.
What you talking about! After dating 20 women All that greedy and all just care about money nothing else!
That’s 40+ over millions of other women. Just because you’ve had an encounter with roughly 40 to 50 women who are materialistic does not mean that the entire female population (which is, by the way, MILLIONS if not billions.) are materialistic as well.
Truth be told, there really are women who are materialistic, but it is hard to find a woman who would love you for you and not your bank account just as it is for us women to find one decent man.
I’ve met and talked to more than 50 guys (not date. just talk) and guess what? They are all perverted freaks. Would it deem it fair to say that the entire male population is only after sex and not love? NO! Because I’ve also met and spoke to a few other men (around 5-10) who are actually seeking decent women.
Just because you were affiliated with roughly 50 women cannot justify that all women are like that. What if it was just bad luck and you ended up with materialistic women? (By the way, if you looked hard enough, you’d find at least one decent woman who would love you for you. Obviously, you only want the easy girls, and let me tell you: easy girls are mostly materialistic.)
Agreed – none of us have a sample large enough to make sweeping conclusion about the opposite sex. At the same time, it’s hard not to develop a certain stereotype if you have to deal with the same type of issue over and over.
I couldn’t agree more.
After years of dating, I’ve come to the conclusion that women (yes, all) are materialistic. You can argue it until you are blue in the face, it’s what I’ve seen first hand. All they care about is the bank account, that’s it. You can be fit, intelligent, this, that and the other thing, but when push comes to shove it’s your bank statement that they truly care about.
Brandon, that simply isn’t true. I could say the same about men, that all they care about is sex and nothing else. All they do is think with their penises. But we both know that isn’t true. There are plenty of women who aren’t materialistic (look at the minimalist movement: most of them are women). They don’t let material things cloud their judgement or take over their lives. Years of dating gave you a conclusion that all 4 billion women are materialistic? Are you fucking kidding me?
Hi good article, although I think there is a difference regarding what women perceive as professional / academic goals – a man studying to be a cleaning technician vs a man studying to be an engineer or lawyer would be perceived differently by some women…I also believe that some men avoid dating due to past experiences where they overspent and lost a lot of money…
@ Andre. Of course – an ambition to become a plumber is not the same as an ambition to become a brain surgeon, but having some goal which you are passionate and excited about and being generally motivated in life for this and other reasons is very attractive to women. On the other hand, being melancholic and indifferent is a turn-off.