A question from a reader: “I met this girl who I really like and find to be truly special on many levels. She is smart, funny, sexy… a total package, so to speak. However, there is one problem – she talks way too much, and it’s really draining, especially when we are out after a long day of work. We have been seeing each other for a few months now, and I was hoping I would get used to it, but it only gets more and more frustrating. Do I tell her that she shouldn’t be talking as much, running the risk of offending her? And if I do, how do I go about talking about it? I am 26 and she is 24 by the way, if it matters.”
My short answer – you should absolutely talk to her about it. You already know that not talking about it is not going to solve the problem. She is not going to stop talking as much as she does on her own, and you are not going to get used to it, as you already know from your own experience. In fact, it will get more and more irritating to you. The trick is not making a huge deal out of it when you bring it up, but talking about it in a playful manner. Tease her about it. Chances are that if she is as special and as smart as you say she is, she knows that she talks too much. She might appreciate the fact that there is one guy out there who has the guts to tell her to shut up every now and then. Talking about this might just result in breaking another small barrier between the two of you and bring you closer together.
And if she does get offended, she should get over it. Then, a little later you can both laugh about it, as you should. If she gets really offended by you pointing out her excessive talkativeness, perhaps she is not as smart/self-aware and open to constructive feedback as you hoped she would. In that case, it is still good news, because you want to know about that quality of hers earlier than later, especially if you are serious about dating her. If you can’t solve a relatively minor issue like this, you should think about how she is going to react when you bring up a more serious problem.
The above approach applies to pretty much any problem. Bottling it up doesn’t work. It won’t go away on its own. It will only get worse. Talking about it in a civil manner and throwing in a little humor and sarcasm where appropriate to diffuse the tension is the way to go.
Good advice, assuming that you do care about the girl. If you don't care that much, just move on to the next one. A girl who won't shut up is a total buzz kill. I am sure women feel the same about guys who go blah blah blah about how smart and accomplished they are.
Good point. Talking too much might be even more unattractive in men who are generally expected to be less talkative.