We are all well familiar with this dating dynamic. When you just start dating, your sex life is incredibly active and passionate. You can’t get enough of each other and this desire translates into frequent sex and other kinds of affection and attention in and outside the bedroom. You may even develop your own rituals, such as your favorite way of spending an evening together: great food, a movie, followed by some fun in the bedroom, or even better – outside the bedroom. After a few months, sometimes without even realizing it, you may start keeping it down to just dinner and a movie. Be careful not to leave out the third ingredient…
f you love each other and have managed to build a healthy, stable relationship but your sex life has become stale, you must spice it up again in order for your relationship to survive in the long run. If she is making excuses or says she is not in the mood, you need to understand why and what you can do turn her on again.
You Have to Water the Plants of Your Sex Life to Get Them to Thrive
The less you have sex, the less you need it. If you don’t have sex you’ll lose that exciting sexual tension between you and your partner. Most female readers know from their own experience that they are more sexual when they already have sex often, and they become less interested in sex whenever the hit any kind of sexual break / drought. Many guys have the same experience – they are actually more horny when they are in a relationship than when they are single. Sexual tension is something that needs to be carefully and regularly maintained between the two lovers. If you don’t make sure that the sexual fire is alive between you and your lover, your sexual indifference toward each other will necessarily spill over into the other aspects of your relationship and will lead to seemingly unrelated arguments, fights or event a break-up.
You rarely hear about the friends zone problem between the two people who have already been dating and having sex, but getting friend-zoned while you are in a relationship is a real risk, when you are not maintaining at least some sexual excitement in your relationship. Here are a few things you can do to revive sexual tension between you and her and make sure that you don’t turn from lovers to “friends”:
1. Take a Break From Each Other
That’s right. One of you should go away for a couple of weeks or longer. When you or she comes back, it’s going to feel like you are dating someone new again for a while. If you have been seeing each other all the time or if you have been living together for a while and always traveling together, it might surprise how this kind of longer break might make you feel about her and, and how you might get excited about seeing each other and touching each other again. A longer break might make you even feel like you met and started dating a new person. Everyone and everything needs a vacation and so is your mind. It needs to rest from the other person’s presence and their body, and that kind of rest can be of tremendous long-term benefit to the romantic/sexual dynamics between the two of you.
2. Indulge in Physical and Mental Role Play to Resurrect Sexual Desire
Pick an evening to shamelessly flirt with your girlfriend or wife. Act like you just started dating – act as if you weren’t sure about each other in a fun/sarcastic/playful way. Take her out for dinner but avoid talking about things at home. Try to impress your way back into her mind, heart and bed again…Role play in a fun way when out on a date by acting like you are not sure whether she is going to put out on that night. Wear something nice and get her to wear something provocative or even mildly inappropriate.
3. Make Her Feel Sexy and Desirable; A Woman Who Feels Desired Will Also Desire You More
Make her feel not only beautiful but also sexy. When was the last time you gave her a sexual compliment? Go ahead – tell her what you think of her breasts, or ass or thighs in so many subtle or not so subtle words. Tell her what you would like to do to her hair, face, and feet. Remind her that your face belongs between her legs or underneath her. Go shopping in person or online for sexy lingerie. Few things are more arousing than being in a dressing room with her while she is trying a tight dress on or a bikini. You can start playing with her there and then rush home to finish the job. Or take it up a notch. Pretend like you are walking in on her while she is trying something sexy, as if you were some kind of aggressive stranger who is trying to seduce her on the spot. You would be surprised as to how many women would love this, and how few of them have ever experienced anything like that. And the best part about these kinds of sexual fantasies is that they are completely realistic and don’t take that much to turn them into reality.
4. Don’t Let Your Stress Kill Your Sex Life
Low libido is one of the most common problems among young couples. We work too much and have too much stress. We worry about that asshole boss, backstabbing co-workers, the upcoming performance review, possible lay-offs, and a dozen other issues in and outside of work. We have unstable career paths, competition and too many digital distractions. Our grandparents slept together because there wasn’t much else to do at night, while we let our i-phones keep us away from our significant others.
In order to not let stress take over your personal life and invade your sex life, you must selfishly protect your personal time. Take an evening off of your laptops/i-pads and i-phones. Stop bringing your work home. Usually it’s not as urgent as you make it sound and it can certainly wait till the next morning.
If you have family and kids, make sure that she’s not the only one taking care of the home and the kids. Maybe instead of saving money for a new car, you could find some extra money and hire a cleaning lady or nanny to help your wife out during the week and let her relax. Remember – a more relaxed and less tired wife/girlfriend makes for a much more sexual female.
5. Avoid Monotony in Sex at All Costs
To have variety and novelty when it comes to sexual experiences, you don’t necessarily have to change partners. You can just change how you go about having sex in all kinds of ways. Instead of waiting for the late evening to make a move on her like you always do, “interrupt” her earlier in the day, whether indoors or outdoors and drag her to some place new where you and her have never had sex before. A visit for a quickie in her office or yours is a an exciting options of the circumstances allow for it.
6. Are There Things You Can Do to Become a Better Lover for Her?
How good is your performance in bed? If you have gained a lot of weight or you are struggling with common problems such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety, considering seeking help to address those issues. Often, a little professional or even honest guidance from an experienced friend can go along way toward helping you improve certain things about yourself and making you a far more attractive man and a better lover.
Sarah Williams is a freelance writer who is passionate about psychology. After several relationships and a LOT of dates, she shares her honest female perspective on dating on Wingman Magazine. After all, she is just a hopeless romantic trying to figure it all out.