Too many people sabotage their dating life and their romantic relationships because their thoughts and actions in a relationship are paralyzed by their fear of loss of that relationship. They treat their relationship like some kind of precious, gentle egg shell that must be preserved and protected at any cost, and many of their actions in a relationship are governed by that fear of loss in a relationship.
If you are one of those people who is really afraid that your partner will leave you, cheat on you, stop loving you, break up with you or otherwise slip away, you should be aware of one very important truth: your fear is both pointless and harmful! You have to realize and remember that there is no point in worrying about things that are simply not in your control. It so happens that there is no insurance policy against breaking up and losing your loved one. People break up and divorce after 10 or more years of being together, so it’s important to realize and accept that that risk is always there.
Fear of loss is very similar to jealousy in that it suffocates the other person, so to speak. It makes him / her that tremendous pressure of being the most important thing in your life and being the “gauge” of your happiness. Ironically, then, the more afraid you are to lose your lover, the more your actions will push him / her away from you.
It is important, therefore, to liberate yourself of this fear if you want to enjoy a good relationship and be a good partner. Here are a few steps that you can and you should take in order to abandon this fear of losing your partner once and for all:
1. Realize and remember that your partner’s actions in the future are out of your hands.
Your partner’s actions and his/her being or not being faithful don’t just depend on you and therefore you should not feel responsible for them. Accept the fact that it’s possible that your partner will leave one day. While you should focus on the positive and assume the best about your partner and about your relationship until and unless proven otherwise, the reality is that there is no insurance policy against sudden and unexpected break-ups or other bad news in a relationship. This is just part of being involved in a relationship.
2. Make sure that you do your part by doing what depends on you.
While, as noted above, how your partner behaves doesn’t wholly depend on you, your actions and what you bring to the table in a relationship is of course a major factor. Jealousy, being controlling, and watching your partner’s every step is one of the common reasons for both break-ups and infidelity. If you suffocate your partner by being jealous, controlling and overbearing, it’s only natural that he will start looking sooner or later to have more freedom alone or with someone else who allows him to have more freedom. A more free life, free of close supervision and micromanagement on the part of your partner, is a better life and that’s what anyone who feels being under the microscope will be seeking.
3. Realize that even if you lose that very special person in your life, it’s not going to be the end of the world.
You will survive that loss, if you end up breaking up with your partner, and you will move forward. It might be hard for you to believe, but there is life out there after your partner leaves you, whether you are able to believe it today or not. This doesn’t mean that you should prepare yourself for your relationship to be over, but it’s a good idea to be realistic and simply know that it’s always a possibility.
So, stop letting the fear of loss in a relationship dictate your behavior and actions. Be the best partner you can be and leave the, rest up the rest of the powers that will determine where your relationship will go. And if you end up breaking up for some petty reason, it’s a pretty strong sign that it wouldn’t have been the right person for you anyway, and it’s a blessing that you found this out sooner than later. After all, if you both feel strongly about each other, petty things should only be causing arguments and fights; not a break-up.