You can easily tell people who could use some space in their relationship. I can’t help but notice the many “tired” couples that are walking around town on Sunday afternoon. Many of them look so exhausted that they literally drag their feet. When I see them, I know that they are tired, among other things, of each other, but they are rarely willing to admit that to themselves or to their partner. After spending the entire weekend together – from Friday night till Sunday and being together every single moment during that weekend, they often leave no time for themselves. Therefore, by Sunday they look more like they have been working overtime than as if they had time to rest and relax.
It is unfortunate that so many people believe that love and the need for space and for having your alone time are incompatible, and that if you love someone, you absolutely must show it by spending as much time with each other as humanly possible. The reality is that many people need at least some space and some time for themselves, or otherwise they will never be happy or be able to make anyone else happy in a relationship. While there are some couples are perfectly happy being inseparable for days, weeks, months or longer, most people do need their alone time in order to be happy in a relationship. They need that space for themselves to “reset” and reorganize their mind, their thoughts, and their identity. Having time alone has the same effect on those people that a nice tropical vacation would have on others – re-energizing and invigorating. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing that time alone; in fact it’s perfectly natural.
It is wrong to deny the need for time alone or not to be honest about it with yourself and your partner, as not having the time alone you need will necessarily make you unhappy. You will become emotionally tired and irritable because you don’t have the time for yourself you need, sooner or later you will necessarily take it out on your partner, as you will find him/her irritating and getting on your nerves for different minor reasons or no reason whatsoever, and there will be no winners in that situation.
Too many people take hearing the “I need some time for myself” personally. They think that it means that their partner doesn’t love them as much as they would like to, or he wouldn’t be asking for time to be by himself. However, the need for space doesn’t necessarily say anything negative about how your partner feels about you and the relationship you are in, except, of course, in those cases where asking for space is just a more gentle way of letting someone know that you don’t want to see them anymore.
It is therefore very important that you treat your own desire for space and your partner’s need for their alone time with respect and understanding, recognizing that their need for time alone is not necessarily time away from you, but time away from everyone that they need as individuals.
It is always good for a man and woman to have their own hobbies. It does not mean living together under one roof, the two of them will do the same thing and keep the love from wilthering. I thought that was the answer, but sometimes couples need space too to recharge.
What a great and important point this is about space. I made this mistake twice in my twenties and it took me years to realize that by trying to take away the guy's free time, I actually pushed him away.