Every now and then I get a chance to eavesdrop on first date conversations at my local cafes. I am always surprised to hear when a woman on a date is trying to impress her date in ways that a guy would normally try to do that – by talking all about her career ambitions, her involvement in extreme sports and otherwise trying to make it very clear to her date how highly educated, professional, successful, strong, independent she is. This is because she thinks that guys are impressed by these things just like women are.
Like in many other cases, where men or women forget that they are different and are therefore often attracted to different qualities and traits in a potential partner, this is too a common misconception. A typical straight guy who makes a decent living doesn’t care all the much about what school the girl he met went to, her position in the company, her track record of running marathons, weight lifting, rock climbing, her extensive travel, etc. If anything, this might be a turn off or at least a red flag to him that would beg him to ask himself – is she too busy to date, and will she be yet another woman who he would have to struggle to even set up a date with, let alone develop any kind of meaningful relationship? Is she too self absorbed and obsessed with her fitness, nutrition and career? Will she be a pain in the ass to deal with even if things get serious because she will want things to be her way and will challenge me on too many things just for the sake of showing that she can? Unless a guy is after a rich sugar mama, he would not be impressed by a woman’s credential’s or possessions. No guy would naturally go “Wow, I really want her now because she went to Harvard and she is a VP at her company”.
Generally, men are much more impressed by a woman’s personal qualities – is she nice? Is she feminine? Is she soft spoken? Is she funny and witty? Can she cook? Can she show affection in a way that would make him realize that she is one of a kind? How is she in bed? Does she get angry easily? How good is she at getting over arguments and setting her pride aside and it’s time to move on? Can she be honest and straightforward when necessary? As long as that woman is not a deadbeat and does something with her life, either going to school or being employed at any decent job, these qualities are so much more important and so much more impressive to men than the paper credentials and her resume.
This means that when you go out with a guy, you don’t need to brag about your accomplishments, as it doesn’t really flatter you. He is not looking to hire an employee. He is looking for a life partner. You are much better off indirectly impressing him with why you are a great woman and potentially a great life partner. And “Indirectly” means not by telling him about how great you are, but by acting in a way that would get him to see that on his own.
Let the man have the spotlight. Confident woman are not worried showing off her credentials to a man.
Absolutely. The other day I was asked whether I would respect a woman who is smart and accomplished but who kind of hides it and is not very vocal about. The person who asked this expected me to say “no”, but I said “hell yes – that’s exactly who I want to respect, and it’s so rare this day and age.”
I would admire that kind of woman as well.
It also works the other way around too, PH. I also noticed that women tend to judge a man by the quality of the time they have together – and not necessarily whether he’s “good at everything”. I often hear something like this a lot, when a man and a woman go hiking or something. And the man is being bent out of shape about whether he’s good with maps/directions or whether he can get the fastest best route. And the woman would say “Don’t worry. I’m enjoying our time together. I don’t care about those things”
What really impresses is being funny, interesting, a good conversationalist and a good lover.