Yesterday, I had a casual and very pleasant conversation with a woman who was visiting in town from the midwest. She was probably in her early 40’s, fairly attractive and very fit. As it turned out, she was a yoga instructor and psychologist specializing in behavioral research. It did not take long for us to develop a conversation about people’s behavior and for her to share that she was single, looking to meet someone special, but found it somewhat frustrating that the small town where she lived had so few single men to choose from, and it seems like just about everyone was either married or settled in a serious relationship.
She shared with me how she has been dating this guy for about three years but had to break it off with him because he just “wouldn’t get her”. He didn’t have nearly as much education as she did and she couldn’t relate to many of her thoughts and ideas that she really wanted to share with her significant other. I couldn’t help but wonder why it took her three years to realize it. She told me then that she was hoping it won’t be that big of a deal and eventually other things and that guy’s other great qualities would make up for his deficit in the intellect department.
We both agreed that she learned based on her own experience that if you are unhappy about your partner’s intellectual capacity and you find yourself bored in their company, it’s not going to change and it is probably going to become more and more annoying with time. This particularly applies to the more feminine and traditional women who want to look up to the guy they are with, and who want to be in a position where they respect their partner for being at least equal, but preferable superior to them in their intelligence and mental abilities. A feminine woman wants to look up to the guy she is with; not look down on him.
At the end of our conversation, I suggested to her that the only solution that I can think of to the problem of not having enough single men in her geographic area to choose from is moving. This solution might sound extreme to some, but there is simply no way around it. And if dating and potentially finding the right guy is a priority in your life, then moving to a bigger city might not be such an extreme solution, especially considering that once you move, there will be other interesting things available to you professionally and socially beyond just greater number of men.
I also reminded her that if moving sounds too risky, she shouldn’t forget that the option to return to wherever she is from is always there for her. And unless she has a business that took many years and a lot of effort to establish (which she didn’t really have), she truly have nothing to lose but possibly a lot to get. Although moving to a bigger city with many more men doesn’t guarantee that she is going to meet her Mr. Right, it surely is worth trying, and if nothing else, it will be a very interesting experience for her.
Great article, I think a relationship shouldn't feel like a struggle, it should be flowing like a river…yes there may be obstacles and some challenges along the way…but won't seem like a struggle to overcome…as both parties will have similar attitudes rather than one drowning and the other always doing the lifting, pushing and dragging…Awesome stuff..
Thanks for your feedback. Good point.