Why Women Disappear after Sleeping with a Guy Once

why women disappear after sleeping with a guy onceOne of the most bitter complaints that women have about men is that guys often don’t call or completely disappearing after they have sex once or twice, and they just move on to another girl. However, the fact that women do the same thing is rarely mentioned. Although women disappear after sleeping with a guy once much less often than men, it is still a fairly common phenomenon.  This kind of behavior can be just as disappointing to men, especially in situations where the guy really liked the girl, was really attracted to her and on more than one level, and was hoping that he will develop something more meaningful with the girl. No single man or a woman is insured against that kind of disappointment. However, it’s important to understand and be aware of the three main reasons as to why women disappear after sleeping with a guy, besides the obvious one, where that woman was disappointed in the guy sexually and is not interested in giving it another shot:

1. She feels guilty and embarrassed about sleeping with the guy too soon.

Despite the strong women’s liberation movement in many parts of the world, many, if not most, women still follow certain rules and they have an idea of what should happen between them and the men they meet and when. A woman who sleeps with the guy too soon might feel that she was too easy, acted like a slut and that the guy might also lose respect for her as a result, and they will have no future. Even though this is certainly not always the case, the fact that that’s how a woman feels might make her not want to see that guy ever again. The important aspect of men’s psychology and sexuality that many women don’t realize (and I wish they did) is that just because the guys slept with the girl too soon doesn’t mean he lost respect of her or that they have not long term relationship potential. In some cases it’s true and in others it’s not. Many other factors  will determine how the guy will feel about that woman in the future, including her personality, how well they get along, and of course where that man is in his life and what he wants from women in general.

Waiting for months to have sex with the guy will surely reflect on his serious intention about the woman he is going out with, but it’s not an insurance policy against him leaving that woman shortly after they have sex, in part or in whole because he might be disappointed in her sexually. This doesn’t even take into account the not unlikely possibility of that guy, who is “waiting” for a woman, to sleep around with other women on a side while he is “waiting.”

2. She didn’t actually like you all that much and her reasons for sleeping with you have nothing to do with how she feels about you. 

Just because a woman has slept with the guy doesn’t mean she liked him very much. She might have been on a rebound and she needed some affection and comfort from anyone at that very point. She might not feel very secure in her appearance, and she needed reassurance that she has still “got” it and that she continues to be sexually desirable. Perhaps she never had a one night stand and she is curious about what it feels like. It’s very possible that she is on a “rebound” and she never bothered to tell you, so that her sleeping with was her attempt to make herself feel better about herself and less lonely. Or, her current partner has cheated on her and she is out for revenge.

3. She is seeing and having sex several guys and is looking for the “best offer.”

You may think that only guys do this, but today quite a few women are playing the field too. It’s possible that the girl you had sex with and hoped to see again is actually looking for a relationship but she is currently seeing several  guys and she is trying to figure out who she likes the most. You might just not be that guy.

Regardless of what reason or what combination of reasons made the woman you met and liked disappear, it’s important that you are aware that it may happen to you when you meet someone new, that it happens to other guys, and while you should certainly hope for the best, you should be ready for these kinds of disappointments as well. This is just a natural part of dating.

4. You pushed her away by being too forward about your feeling way too soon.

I would guess that if you read this article, you are really that the girl you had sex with is not returning your phones call and text messages. Is it possible that you scared her off by telling her how much you like her way too soon and by pushing her with way too many calls, e-mails or text messages. There is no reason for you to tell the girl you just met or slept with that you have feelings for her. It’s going to either scare her off, or make her grow really skeptical of you. She would necessarily think “if he says this to me so soon, does he do this with every girl” Or, she will think “wow, this guy must be really lonely or needy if he tells the girl he just met and slept with once how he feels about her.” You may think that she liked you just as much as you liked her, but even if that’s the case – this doesn’t mean that she is moving at the same pace as you are. If you made this mistake, let it be a painful but valuable lesson to not do this in the future.


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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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4 months ago

I have done this recently and my reason was I just didnt feel the guy was what I wanted, put zero effort during my time with him, didn’t show enough interest and having 2 kids I run from the role of being there just when it was convenient to him and when he was not with his kids which was already starting to be evident it was going to be the case. Sometimes you just gotta disappear if you feel your investment wont pay what you deserve. It’s sad but many circumstances can influence in this decision. Being the most important our own wellbeing and protection of what’s best for us and not just for the man. It’s not that complicated really.

4 months ago
Reply to  Eve

That’s totally understandable. I just hope that you at the very least texted him a few words making it clear that it’s over and you are not a good match for whatever reason.

7 years ago

John, you're a funny guy…

What this article doesn't address is that maybe, just maybe, there are women out there that just want to have sex for the night with an attractive man because it feels good, they are comfortable in their sexuality (no guilt after), and then are pretty much just done with the guy because they we'rent interested in investing more time because it's work…or they figure he's just into it for a one night stand anyway (but end up just wanting more booty calls out of it). So she hits it and quits it. Same as a dude. And THAT is equal rights. Sorry boys.

7 years ago
Reply to  Ms.Kitty

Thanks for your input. I guess I did miss to include this one obvious reason. We guys tend to forget that a woman can want sex just as much as the guy and for exactly the same reasons.

8 years ago

I didn't know women slept with men nowdays. I thought women don't like sex and men can't even give it away free. Seems that way anyway.

student and teacher
student and teacher
9 years ago

very informative. thanks.