The Damaging Effects Of Dating Too Much On Your Love Life

effects of dating too muchWith all the possibilities of meeting all kinds of people on the online dating sites out there, who you would have never been able to meet otherwise, too much (online) dating and going on too many dates with the people you meet on, OkCupid, etc., can really hurt your dating life by changing your entire attitude toward dating:

1. Too much dating turns fun into work. 

This is because when you meet too many people and go out on too many dates way too often, you turn what should be  fun and exciting experiences into some kind task and just another thing on your calendar that needs to be done. So many people today, especially in larger cities, squeeze their dates between a work appointment and going to a gym, or between a cooking class and dinner, as if it was some kind errand they need to run as quickly as possible and get it over with. This is hardly conducive to developing any kind of romantic connection, even if there were a potential for that.

2. Too much dating leads to “butterfly effect”.

This especially applies to women. Many attractive girls, who are overwhelmed with attention from guys in real life and and with too many messages from men on the dating sites, develop a candy shop syndrome. They try to go out on at least one coffee date with every “cute guy” they meet, hoping that since it’s supposed to be a numbers game, the more guys they go out with, the more likely they are to meet that someone very special who is going to sweep them off their feet and their lengthy search for that Mr. Right.

However, before they know it, these girls start going on 3-4 or more coffee dates per week. Between setting up dates on the phone or by text/e-mail and going out on date, they spend 10 or more hours a week going out with strangers on dates which don’t go anywhere, and very few of which even lead to a second date. A few months later they become extremely tired of the whole process and give up on (online) dating, at least for some time, feeling emotionally and physically drained from the process and also becoming bitter about wasting so much time on meeting guys they are not interested it and slowly but surely losing faith that Mr. Right will eventually come their way. They also feel angry that they waste so much time on dates that lead to nothing, when they could have spent that time doing one of the many things they like to do in their free time.

3. Too much dating makes you less attractive to your future dates. 

If you are a guy who has been meeting women online, you are familiar with that type of girl who looks”tired” of dating. If you talk to her on the phone before meeting her, she sounds somewhat disinterested in a conversation. It’s obvious that talking to you is just not a big deal to her. It takes her hours or days to respond to your text messages. She is very unavailable, and it will likely take you a while to figure out how to squeeze into her already overbooked schedule. She doesn’t really expect anything good or meaningful to come out of your interaction with her. After being on 100 bad and/or boring dates, she pretty must lost much of the hope that the next guy will have something different and better to offer.  When you go out with her, she is dressed down and doesn’t really care all that much to get to know you, and is not putting that much effort into trying to attract you or make a point that she is a catch.

4. Too much dating makes you care less or not care at all about your next date. 

Having 3 more dates lined up for that week, and having 12 more messages from new guys that she hadn’t even talk to, gives her so many options, so why would she even worry so much about whether you like her or not. There is always that next guy who could be “the one.”  As a guy, you can’t take this behavior personally, but then again – how can you not take personally something that’s so personal?

5. Dating too many people at once will confuse you

What if you like two or more people, who you are dating, and you want to be with all of them? You can’t make up your mind as to who you like the most and you don’t want to give up on either of them. Usually, in that kind of situation, you end up being with neither of them, which is hardly the result that you probably wanted. You cannot develop a meaningful connection with anyone if you split your emotional resources between two or even more people you are seeing.

5. The solution

There seems to be only one solution to suffering from the effects of going out on too many dates and meeting way too many people. The good news is that the solution is very simple, even though it requires a degree of discipline. Don’t go on any dates for at least a month. This will give your mind and your schedule a break and will rejuvenate your interest in meeting new people and dating. Depending on who you are, it might take a little longer. If that’s the case – give yourself all the time you need in order to come back and feel excited about meeting people and going on dates.

When you end up meeting someone you like, don’t be afraid to focus just on him. Yes, there are no guarantees that he is the one, and that guy might disappoint you just like all the other guys in the past. So what? Are you afraid to get hurt? You have survived break-ups and disappointments before and you will survive again. It’s better to give a full chance to someone you think is special, than continue shielding yourself from being vulnerable by dating a number of people at the same time.

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About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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8 years ago

I think that too much dating can also kill one's self-confidence. I know a guy who claims to go on several dates a week, but I also know that this guy pesters women in our scial group by asking them out repeatedly after they have already told him that they aren't interested in him.

I think he somehow convinces women he meets online to date him, although I get the distinct feeling that none of these dates go anywhere. So he ends up spending a lot of money dating and probably rarely even gets as much as a kiss afterward. He seems really desperate to me for someone who claims to be dating a lot. I suspect that going on so many dates that have gone nowhere has killed his-self confidence, making him even more unattractive to women.

practicalhappiness (
8 years ago
Reply to  Kurt

@Kurt this might be a true an common issue with online dating. It gives easier access to meeting people and making that initial to many guys who otherwise wouldn't be able to meet women. Once they make the first step successful, however, their inability to maintain interest must come through. With repeated failure to take it pass the initial contact, desperation and frustration will inevitably grow. Technically, however, that guy might be correct in saying that he dates a lot, if he in fact goes on a lot of first dates to speak, even if they don't lead to anything.

8 years ago
Reply to  Kurt

Confidence? What's that???

8 years ago
Reply to  practicalh

That was law school.

8 years ago

This is so true. I know from my personal experience how physically and emotionally exhausting and confusing online dating can be. Taking a break for at least few months and deactivate your account is one way to handle that exhaustion. I took a total 3 month break from meeting or dating any guys, and besides having more time for myself and not wasting time on pointless dates, it also helped me figure what I want out of guys. I am pretty sure that guys who date too much also experience the same and many of them could use a break from dating just as much as women do.