Here is an unedited, actual excerpt from a 25 year-old woman’s dating profile:
“First off I’m a packaged deal, I have two handsome baby boys. My oldest is 4 yrs old and my little one is just about to turn 1… My boys are my everything, they come before everything and everyone.. And they already have a father so that definitely isn’t what I’m looking for. But if my boys don’t like you or if you don’t like my boys, kick rocks! I would never pick a guy over my boys.. =) But a little more about me: I am friendly, loyal, super nice.. sometimes too nice, but if you get me mad I wouldn’t be afraid to tell you what’s on my mind. I am very independent, got my own place and car. I have a career and love what I do, not many ppl are able to say that but I am so grateful I can say that…”
The woman who wrote the above is quite attractive. Most of her profile makes her come across as smart, witty and articulate. However, the very beginning of what she wrote would be very off-putting to many, if not most, male readers. No, this is not about you having or not having children. The problem is different – there is no reason to announce how important your children are to you and make some kind of “if…. then kick rocks” ultimatum in your dating profile. Any man would know that it’s a given that if you have children, you care about them dearly. It’s just common sense.
There is no reason to accentuate it and remind the men, who will be looking at your profile, that they will never be as important to you as your children. It adds nothing good or attractive to your profile.
This woman could have greatly improved her profile by simply deleting that whole part about her children, except simply mentioning that she has them, and that would make her come across as a far more positive person.
It is understandable how a single mother, who is looking to date, would want to weed out all those guys who would not be ok with her being a mother or putting her children first, but talking about it in your profile is not the way to do it. Putting a more positive spin on how you actually can combine having children with having a good dating life is a far better idea. Attract the guys by making it clear that despite being a mother, you will make time for the right guy. For instance, you could just say that in your profile: “While I have children who I spend a lot of time with and who need a lot of attention which I enjoy giving, I make sure to make the time for the right man, who, among other things, will be understanding of my situation.”
And of course, there is absolutely no reason why your profile pictures should include your children. Random guys who browse through profiles should have no business seeing your children.
I think women need to be very careful in mentioning that they have children and their ages…there are bad boys out there preditors..they possibly will show intrest in you because of your kids have you thought about that? It sounds kind of desparate being so up frount exposing yourself telling all.before you have any knowledge of him. I say dont be so desparate. hold back and here what he has to offer..leave the kids out of it tell you get to know him .dont let him know where you live or meet your kids.you got to know this guy first. Just THINKEN.
Very good article. It’s ashamed people’s reading comprehension is so poor.
A woman who loves her child and put them first is a given and you get no brownie points for boldly announcing that.
**Like Chris Rock said “YOU”RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS!”
Writing about what a good mom you are sounds more like posturing than anything else and like the author said, it is off putting.
If you don’t care about being off putting, why bother setting up a profile?
If you put up a dating profile you are in a sense “selling yourself” no matter how grimy that may sound.You ARE trying to convince others that you’d make a good date/partner depending on what you are looking for.
maybe she’s more interested in being real about how she feels than trying to sell herself. Not every mother loves their child enough to make a point of mentioning it, and the fact that she does mention it is unique to her character, and tells prospective love interests something about her.